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In which Christ says, “I will let nothing be wasted.”

By Anita Mathias


 

I will “let nothing be wasted” (John 6:12).

“Nothing, Lord?”

“Nothing.”

* * *

Not the weary years,

Not the silent tears,

Not the loneliness

Which caused that deep, echoing silence

in which we could hear you?

 

None of our failures

Which silenced the insistent voices

Of those who might otherwise have found a use for us?

We were nobody and nothing;

And in the vast silence which surrounded us,

We heard your signature sound:

A whisper.

* * *

And the bad days we planted which became bad weeks,

Bad years, wasted to bickering, quarrelling, and anger?

Even them?

 

And the times I could have been happy,

But I could not forgive.

And the times I tuned out everyone to write,

Forgetting “there is nothing but love.”

 

And the times when anger and sadness and self-pity

So exhausted me that I slept, oh ten hours, half the morning.

What good can come from them?

 

“I will let nothing be wasted.”

* * *

The wise learn wisdom from your Word,

The stupid learn it from experience.

I was stupid, Lord.

 

“I will let nothing be wasted.”

* * *

And when I overworked and burned out,

And, being too exhausted to read, still tried to read,

Those wasted hours and years?

 

Nothing was wasted.

 

And I got terrified and perfectionistic,

And revised pieces of work a hundred times,

And still have not finished my big book.

 

NOTHING IS WASTED.

* * *

The friendships, Lord.

Oh, how many people I could have loved.

I see their faces on Facebook now, and see how lovely they were.

But I allowed little things to annoy me,

And read and wrote and worried

That I wasn’t reading and writing more

Forgetting there is only love.

 

The marriage years I wasted to anger,

And fear that I would never write,

Or self-pity at my lack of help.

Will I still be as fruitful

as if I had spent them in praise and thankfulness,

hidden in the holy places of the Most High?

 

I and my sweet Roy.

We could have been so happy.

Everything was, is, given us.

But how we have fought!

 

Nothing is wasted.

 

And those sweet, adorable little girls

And me adoring them, and wanting to write too,

And writing often won.

 

And why did I not get it, Lord,

That love is all that matters?

 

I was there.

With them and with you.

I was there.

Nothing was wasted.

 

From these shards of shattered hearts

I make stained glass

Through which

Light shines.

* * *

I am worried, Lord.

Will I be as good as a writer as I could have been

If I had been disciplined,

Organised, a good housekeeper

Physically fit, an early riser

Not wasted time on anger

Used fragments of time to read?

 

I see you smile. I know it sounds silly.

I  guess I am asking

“Will I be as good a writer as I might have been

If I were perfect?”

 

“Anita, to answer your question,

you will be a different writer

than if you had never wasted time

than if you had learned ‘the power of positive thinking”

than if you had learn to forgive

and run a minimalistic tidy house

and, well, had run.

 

But you will be the writer I intended you

to be from before the creation of the world.

All you lament was in my plan from the beginning of time

Your failures will help you reach a different group

Those of the human race

Who have failed as you have,

And they number more than you imagine.

 “Arise, shine, for your light has come,
See the glory of the Lord all around you.”

* * *

“Mess, Lord!
I sweep it up,

Shards, tesserae, beach glass,

Broken vases, splintered shells, beads.

Take and receive, oh Lord:

The mess I have made of the jewels

You have lavished upon me, again and again.”

* * *

Nothing is wasted, He says.

I take what you give me:

broken jewellery, broken crystal, broken children’s crafts,

kid’s toys–never assembled, parts missing,

broken pottery, broken dreams, broken body,

And my hands work instantly, busily.

 

They mould, shape, join, paste,

And from what you thought was a Psyche heap

of broken baubles they create

Such a form as Grecian goldsmiths make

Of hammered gold and gold enamelling

To keep a drowsy Emperor awake,

Or set upon a golden bough to sing

To lords and ladies of Byzantium. 

 

 

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Filed Under: In which I am amazed by the love of the Father

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Comments

  1. Rachael says

    March 18, 2014 at 3:08 am

    Me too. I won’t repeat what others have already said, but what you wrote about God creating beauty from the broken pieces we offer him brought to mind the Japanese art of kintsugi – mending ceramics with gold resin to make something more precious than the original. And the recurring ‘there is only love’ reminded me of Thomas Centolella’s poem based on a phrase from St John of the Cross, ‘In the Evening We Shall Be Examined on Love’. Thanks for your writing.

    • Anita Mathias says

      March 19, 2014 at 5:43 am

      ‘In the Evening We Shall Be Examined on Love’. I have never heard that phrase before. I love it.
      kintsugi – mending ceramics with gold resin to make something more precious than the original. I love that. There is something redemptive (and prophetic?) about it!

  2. Mollie says

    March 6, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Beautiful. Have we not all felt that way? Even the perfectionists that apologize for their dirty house, when it is cleaner than mine when it is cleaned?
    The Lord will restore the years of the locusts.

    • Anita Mathias says

      March 6, 2014 at 2:32 pm

      I used to wonder HOW the Lord could restore the years of the locusts, but now I have NO doubt that he can, and will, if he ask him to.
      It is because he is immensely creative, and created our universe out of nothing, dust, mud…

  3. Serena Kaylen Crompton says

    March 6, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    I meant “has been.” 🙂

  4. Serena Kaylen Crompton says

    March 6, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    Anita, I love what God has and is doing with you.

    • Anita Mathias says

      March 6, 2014 at 2:31 pm

      Serena, thank you so much for your encouragement, and for reading and following the zigzags of my life 🙂

  5. Kathy says

    March 6, 2014 at 6:03 am

    Such poignant words that penetrated my heart. I too feel that I have wasted so much time on vain pursuits and not pursued the ultimate goal of knowing Christ in a deeper way. Yet, the words you wrote, “Nothing is wasted,” echo, making me realize that God uses our failures and faults to hone into a vessel fit for the Master’s use. Beautiful words that keep me humbly turning to the Lord to guide my thoughts and use the pen to write His message as you most certainly do.

    • Anita Mathias says

      March 6, 2014 at 8:57 am

      God bless you, Kathy!

  6. Angela says

    March 5, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    I LOVE this, Anita. ‘I will…”let nothing be wasted.”‘ So much encouragement in those words. This blessed me today. Thank you for sharing your beautiful writing & your heart.

    • Anita Mathias says

      March 6, 2014 at 8:56 am

      Thank you for reading, Angela! 🙂

  7. Susan says

    March 5, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    This truly spoke to my heart this morning. Thank you for sharing your gift.

    • Anita Mathias says

      March 6, 2014 at 8:50 am

      Susan, thank you so much!

  8. Ali says

    March 5, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    encouraging as ever…simple honest truth, beautifully expressed-thank-you

    • Anita Mathias says

      March 6, 2014 at 8:49 am

      Ali, thank you so much!

  9. Don says

    March 5, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    The breath of the Lord is in this piece. So moving.

    “And they number more than you imagine.”

    I too am a member of this club! We feel so alone, but we are not.

    • Anita Mathias says

      March 5, 2014 at 8:10 pm

      Don! Thank you. Writing it, I realised I was saying “What a writer I could have been had I been perfect!” but of course, none of us are perfect or we wouldn’t have the need of God!

  10. Maria says

    March 5, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    Wonderful! Your writing brought me to tears! I am not perfect yet either..

    • Anita Mathias says

      March 5, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      Ah, thank you Maria. I was in tears too writing it–it was very much from my heart and life!

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Recent Posts

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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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