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Moses and the Uses of Failure and Brokenness

By Anita Mathias

Moses  and  the Burning Bush, Pluchart, wikipedia

Moses and the Burning Bush, Pluchart, wikipedia

Moses was remarkable. Brought up at court as Pharaoh’s grandson, he had the confidence, courage, boldness and the physical strength to kill an Egyptian he saw oppressing his countrymen (Ex 2:11), sort out two Hebrews fighting with each other, (Ex 2:13) and chase away the shepherds bullying Midian’s daughters.

But his privileged upbringing in Pharaoh’s court and his own giftedness brought him a desert exile of 40 years.

He has failed. He became a nobody.  His self-confidence vanished.

However, the desert was the right place at the right time. To see the bush which burned and was not consumed. To ask the right question when given a stupendous commission.

 “Who am I?” (Exodus 3:11)

God replies, “I will be with you.” And that is enough.

God’s answer essentially is: “Who you are does not matter. What matters is that you learn to listen, learn to lean, learn to rely on my strength.”

* * *

God commands Moses to command Pharaoh to let the entire work force of Egypt go into the desert to worship God.

“I will be with you,” is the only guarantee of safe-conduct Moses gets when commissioned to confront the Pharaoh from whom he had fled–with this preposterous demand.

Moses pleads, “I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

But God tells him, “Do not rely on yourself. Rely on me.” “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” (Ex 4 11-12).

* * *

In his great poem, “The Hound of Heaven,” Francis Thompson bitterly asks

Ah! must —

Designer Infinite —

Ah! must thou char the wood ‘ere thou canst limn with it ?

Brokenness reveals beauty. A principle encoded in creation. The green inedible rind of watermelon–who would suspect it conceals red sweet lusciousness? Or guess at the chewy flesh and honeyed water inside a coconut? Or the succulent sweetness inside a leechi or a custard apple?

The fruits themselves, were they sentient, might not suspect it.

They must be broken, smashed, cracked open to reveal their true selves, their sweetness and usefulness.

So too, after a long experience of being baffled, bewildered, broken, discover in ourselves a sweetness we had not suspected. And, as we learn to lean, we discover in ourselves gifts, abilities and strengths which surprise us.

And God recasts the talent which he has broken into something more beautiful than before. Think of a mosaic; think of a stained glass window.

* * *

Moses had all the traits of a natural leader. He was self-confident, quick-thinking, decisive, dominant. He naturally took charge. But he needed to be broken to learn to rely on God, so that he could lead his people into bigger adventures that he would ever have dreamed of.

Once we have surrendered our lives to God, even unpromising “plodders” like William Carey can do staggering things. An old man, hiding out as a shepherd for forty years, can unleash plagues against a great empire and almost single-handedly persuade them to emancipate their slaves.

Relying on oneself, on the other hand, leads to fear, anxiety and second-guessing which saps our strength far more than work. However, figuring out God’s unique mandate for us and obeying it, while relying on him, sets us free because we know he has our back.

* * *

For myself, writing was my forte. It took a long period of failure, exhaustion and incomplete projects for me to learn  to lean on God, to try to catch his whispers, his words, his ideas, his feelings, and the music of his voice. “I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

And writing is becoming so much easier, reaches more people and takes a fraction of the time.

* * *

 Listen, Christian, if life is grinding you down, driving you into the desert, be of good cheer.

The fire which burns and is not consumed cannot be seen amid “the bright lights, big city.”

It cannot be seen if you are rushing around the King’s court or slaying Egyptians.

Do not resist the period of obscurity and silence in which you learn to see the burning bush, and hear the one who assures you, “I am with you.”

For once you have learnt to lean, and learnt to hear, your words won’t be just words, but will have a power beyond themselves. For the Lord may help you speak and teach you what to say.

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Comments

  1. Joy Lenton says

    February 13, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    Beauty brought forth from brokenness. A timeless concept being wrought in our own surrendered lives. A brilliant post. Love the way you weave biblical history, literature, poetry, personal history and reflection together in this great call to lean into Him who is shaping us for His own uniquely wonderful purposes.
    May you continue leaning and hearing too, Anita, and expressing it all so eloquently. Blessings:)

    • Anita Mathias says

      February 14, 2013 at 3:24 pm

      Thank you, Joy, so glad you liked it! 🙂

  2. LA says

    February 13, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    There is a saying I hear quite often amongst my church friends… “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.” Beautiful posting and sentiment.

    • Anita Mathias says

      February 14, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      LA! Welcome back, and thank you!

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My Books

Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

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Francesco, Artist of Florence: The Man Who Gave Too Much

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The Story of Dirk Willems

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Recent Posts

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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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