Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

Enter by the Narrow Gate

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 I have had a busy, very extroverted, though lovely month, and so it’s been more difficult to enter the healing, renewing, transforming silences of God, as in soaking prayer.
When I do enter it, I feel as if I am in a boat, pushing far away from shore, and all the busyness and happenings of the day and week seem distant, as in a far country, and I am now entering holy wilds, where I am slowly healed, and made new.
                                                * * *
As you wander around Oxford, you often see these tantalizing, impossibly narrow, wrought iron or wooden gates, offering glimpses of a magical garden beyond them.
And to me, entering into the presence of God is like squeezing through one of those narrow gates.
I have to leave all my baggage behind. Give him my worries, and trust him to multiply my few loaves of time, talent, and energy.
Give him my grievances, new and old, and allow the blood of Christ to pour over the old wounds, and heal them, and the Holy Spirit to pour the water of his grace over the slights and annoyances, so nothing festers.
When I can’t yet forgive, I give him my heart, point out the black spots, and ask for them to be purified by the blood and water which flowed from the side of the Lovely One, crucified for me. For how could I possibly heal myself or purify myself?
I just give it all to him—the ambitions of a restless mind, the things I want to accomplish, the places I want to go, all my plans and desires for my house and garden and children and life.
Leave it all there, dreams and schemes and hopes—leave it with him, and enter the quietness.
I don’t know what my life will hold, but I will trust his grace to see me through.
For me, this surrender, this giving him everything–even, especially my weaknesses–is the way to enter the narrow gate—with empty hands, no hand luggage.
* * *
I am not athletic. At all! During a family trip to the Dunes du Pyla near Bordeaux, the largest sand dune in Europe, I sat on the sand, watching my family climb it, and enjoy the views up the sand-mountain. Later, I was sad that I did not put myself through the exertion of climbing the steps up the dune for the sake of the views.   

I have stood at edge of rinks, and watched Roy ice-skate; swum lazily in pools, and watched Zoe and Irene dive. One Christmas, I stood on the beach in Gisborne, New Zealand, while Zoe swam up and touched an almost tame dolphin called Moko.  

This is an extended metaphor for the Christian life without absolute surrender to God. You can get to the dune, the ocean, the ice-rink but not really experience the joy and thrill of the views, the ocean waves, the dolphin, unless you enter in through the narrow gate.

Which for me is surrendering to the will of God. Saying, “Okay, then, let’s do this your way.” Which I might need to say several times in a day, as the day presents its pressures!

For me, this surrender, this saying “Yes, have it your way!!” is the narrow gate into life.  

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  1. Hi Dana, It's scary, isn't it, how the commitment to blog daily, and all the attendant busyness of the writing life can squeeze out time with God. I have had a problem with that some days for the last 2-3 weeks. As you say, oh that we could trust him and put him first.

  2. What a profound post and a beautifully painted picture of “squeezing in” through the gate! Finding time with God some days is nearly impossible, and completely submitting to His desire for my life is even more so. Sometimes, things just don't make sense, and I feel I must make changes. The problem is that the changes are of my own making and not His. When following God's will, it's not unusual to find oneself in a place that just doesn't make sense. But who says God's ways will make sense to us? Oh, that I would have the boldness to say (and live), “Whatever you want, Lord. I'm yours. Use me.”

    Thanks for this wonderful post!

    A Word Fitly Spoken
    http://DanaRongione.blogspot.com

  3. Thanks Mollie and Joanna!

    Joanna, I was always afraid that if I surrendered to God I would not be able to write as much. It took a period of brokenness, and not being able to write anyway, for me to be able to leave my writing in his hands.

    And I have got it back–in a different form, but a more nourishing and life-giving form, for myself, and perhaps others.

  4. I love this post and your particular interpretation of what it means to enter by the narrow gate. Your words about watching your family do sport also reminded me that we need to overcome fear in order to live fully – in my case I am always afraid that complete surrender will mean I have to give up something to love (even though there is no reason to assume this). Thank you for reminding me of the way our fears limit us and the rewards of facing them down.