 |
| A corner of my study. As you can see, I have too many books!! |
Until four years ago, Roy and I were challenged housekeepers–with lots of clutter neither of us wanted to slow down and get rid of.
And when we moved from Williamsburg, Virginia to England, since Roy’s job was paying, I moved ahead to Oxford without doing any decluttering, and paid movers to go in, pack and ship everything to England. Which they did. Old magazines and newspapers, a garage of junk I’d meant to donate, and flip-top trashcans with trash in them. No kidding!!
Four years ago, we decided to get a weekly cleaner, and spend the 4-5 hours that the cleaner was here to put everything back in the right place, sort laundry, deal with paperwork, and declutter. Four years later, I still have about 15 boxes which came from America in 2004, which I haven’t unpacked, and loads of books to sort, organize and donate.
* * *
Yes, after four years, we are still organizing, finding a place for things, and getting rid of things which are neither beautiful nor useful in William Morris’s phrase. And each week, we get rid of more things, and find a place for more things. We are getting there—but with our current budget of 4-5 hours a week to tidy and put everything away, do housework, and declutter, it will take us at least another year, unless we put more time in.
And I’ve decided to make peace with that, make peace with steadily failing less each week, make peace with small gains.
* * *
I am struggling too with getting fit. And here too, I just have to be content with failing less, or succeeding slightly. With stopping gaining weight!! I’ve lost 5 pounds this year. 5 pounds in 4 months is hardly anything—but hey, it’s sure better than gaining 5 pounds! So I will rejoice and be glad in small victories.
* * *
I read this moving blog post recently in which the author sheds four bags of clothes, scarves, bags, jewellery etc. just from her wardrobe, before working on the rest of her possessions. She has also written about her attempts to lose her excess weight and regain fitness.
I’ve noticed a character syndrome—the same people struggle with all four or several of these weaknesses: They are overweight; they have trouble sleeping early and waking early; their houses are messy and cluttered, and they are frequently in serious debt. I struggle with the first three, and overspending has been a weakness in the past (though not debt).
It’s tragic. It’s a classic vicious circle, in which sleeping in steals your time to exercise and tidy your house, and the vim and spirit to declutter. The mess depresses you too much to exercise, and leads to comfort eating and spending. Being overweight depresses you so that you sleep more, comfort-spend and comfort-eat. And the debt worries you so that you comfort spend, and comfort eat. (Oh, Lord have mercy, and the good news is he does SO love and have compassion on these harassed and sad people, and I’ve been one, caught in this syndrome, except for debt.)
A mentor said about my overspending (which I have dealt with at least ten years ago) that it was because of emptiness. That if my soul was more full of God, I would need to spend less. And it’s true. As I’ve dived deeper into the holy depths of God, I never look at catalogues, rarely enter stores, except when on holiday, and rarely buy things, except books.
I wonder if over-eating, and over-buying are both attempts to fill an insatiable, hungry emptiness in our souls, a nebulous wound like Fisher-King’s undiagnosed, and so unhealed wound. And seeking healing and filling from God and his Holy Spirit is the quickest way to heal these syndromes. I do believe it.
* * *
The other interesting thing I noticed was that people who successfully tackle one aspect of this syndrome—who can lose weight, say, or get out of debt, or get their house orderly again, or wake very early, then have the confidence and drive to tackle other areas of dysfunction.
For me, beginning to tackle clutter probably increased my mental drive and confidence to take my small business into profit. And succeeding in business, conversely, increased my confidence in housekeeping and writing!
For me, beginning to tackle clutter probably increased my mental drive and confidence to take my small business into profit. And succeeding in business, conversely, increased my confidence in housekeeping and writing!
So Mary Hunt pays off $100,000 of debt, teaches others to do the same through her Cheapskate Gazette, and with her increased gain in self-confidence, loses 100 pounds of weight.
Flylady, Marla Cilley was overweight, depressed, over-spent, and her house was chaos. She tackles the domestic chaos in baby steps, and this gives her the confidence to tackle her weight, and her finances.
Don Miller loses over 150 pounds, which gives him the confidence to write lovely books, and inspire others to change their lives.
* * *
So if you are stuck, and your dreams are not materializing, choose one change (something which takes 5-15 minutes a day) just one, which you will make today, and stick to all month. Stretching, yoga, decluttering, sleeping or waking earlier are all changes with leveraged benefits. Next month, add another small change, which again takes 5-15 minutes. (Flylady is a good site for changing your habits and life in incremental baby steps.)
And where will this 5-15 minutes come from? Many changes are leveraged. They return more than the time spent. Exercise is one (you will feel better and happier, be more energetic, and sleep less). If the main areas in which you live and work are tidy, you will be more productive, and never have to look for things. And well, sleeping early blesses the whole of the next day!!
How to find the time for the new habits? Cut back or eliminate TV if you watch it. Turn off the internet when you write. For starters. Set timers when you are on the web for pleasure.
And what is my new habit going to be? Well, I do all my housework the day the cleaner comes, about 3-5 hours. I think I am going to add in an additional 15 minutes a day of tidying and decluttering, so that I get to my goal of a sparse house in which everything is either beautiful or useful far sooner.
More from my site
On Vaughan Roberts’ interview, and the Case for Gay Christian Marriage
How the Different Denominations See Each Other
Donald Hall in "Life Work" on tricking writing out of oneself
In which the stars tell us that nothing is impossible with God
"My Grandmothers and I"– the charming memoir of Diana Holman-Hunt
Thanks, Aly. Emma, I loved your reflections on baby steps. I guess that's the way things happen.
Abreflections–“Pruning makes way for new growth.” What a wonderful reflection. I shall comfort and inspire myself with that when I next declutter.
Thanks, Anita. This is a great description of both trying to fill in that empty space with things, and moving forward with baby steps. I'm in the midst of decluttering. It's been a metaphor for my life. Things that used to be important are not needed now. Pruning makes way for new growth!
What an encouragement: thanks Anita – and well done on those 'little' steps…whether with clutter or weight or life. They all add up. x
Yay for baby steps! That's the way to go.
Thanks, Miss Mollie, Bob and Donna.
Bob, I love “Today begins with last night.” I must say that to my children, who are also night owls. I also love the hope-filled idea of “put the work in, and it will happen” and the joy in the journey reminder. I get so impatient on the journey.
Hi Donna, and welcome to my blog. Lucky you. Letting go of stuff which might be useful, or has just hung around as part of my life –I wish I had learned that skill earlier!!
My dad was career Navy, so we moved around every 2-4 years. The Navy will only move so much stuff, so I learned young how to throw things away. My hubby? Not so much. lol
I have found a couple of things to help with these areas over the years, of which I have many.
Today begins with last night. How I end the day really does set the tone for the next morning. TV is my huge challenge. Why am I staying up late to watch that?
As to the rest, I think of due cluttering, weight loss, etc. as more like a stream flowing quietly rather than Niagara Falls. Put the work in, and it will happen. After all, the joy is also in the journey, so enjoy the journey.
Thanks for the post Anita.
I love your blogs and this one is so similar to my life, it is scary. I have been doing the small steps for a while, but sometimes I lapse and get into that terrible cycle again. This has been a particularly bad season for me with many distractions and no energy. But as you point out, small baby steps continuing each day. It didn't get that way overnight and it doesn't disappear overnight, either. On the weight side, I've lost 10 pounds since fall. Instead of stress overeating, I lost my appetite. But I'm eating healthily.
I love your book shelves, awesome! I always check out my patients' reading materials when I visit them.