Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

How many plagues does it take?

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 The Plagues of Egypt are darkly spectacular, aren’t they? Locusts, darkness, hail, gnats, flies, boils, darkness….  It certainly seemed that someone was trying to get the Egyptians’ attention.

But the economic benefit of the free slave labour of the Hebrews was simply too good, too advantageous to be easily given up.
And so, amid escalating warnings, and signs from God, guaranteed to get anyone’s attention, Pharaoh refuses to let the Israelites go.
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Of course, when misfortunes increase and escalate, it is not necessarily a judgement on sin, or God trying to get our attention so that we more thoroughly revise your life according to his guidelines. It wasn’t in Job’s case.
But sometimes, as C.S. Lewis says, God uses pain: accumulating dire consequences, as a megaphone to get our attention.
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He  often has in my life.  As I have shared in this blog, I had a fiery temper—which, of course, is upsetting to everyone, the angry person, the victim and the bystanders. Oh nothing is worse than losing your temper, repenting, and losing it again.
And when I mean a fiery temper, sadly, I mean just that. When we were first married, almost 23 years ago, and got furious with each other, things flew through the air—fax machines, vases, antiques, whatever was at hand. (Fortunately, neither of us had a particularly good aim, but still–a very expensive sin!!)
 About 11 years ago, I talked and prayed it through with two friends, one a saintly older mentor, one a trained counsellor who worked with me as a friend, and I did learn how to get my anger under control. Learned to tell my grievances to God, rather than the person. Learn to work out my anger in housework or exercise or gardening rather than in angry speech, which weakens my mind, spirit and character, and weakens the listener.
Every time I declare I have won a victory over my temper, I find myself losing it!! so let me just say this; I am better at saying nothing, and thinking things over. Not getting started with the angry, futile words which raise adrenalin. Working out my bad temper in exercise. Praying over it when calmer. Thinking about the outcome I want to see, and purposefully working towards it. Oh I can’t tell you what a victory just shutting up and saying nothing feels like to someone who always had a bad temper.
The plagues–the destructive consequences of anger on health, mental health, sleep, creativity, weight, and happiness got me to this point. 
                                            * * *
Roy and I were both very messy which set up vicious spirals in our lives. Mess and clutter: it gets you late; causes frustration with lost things; compromises your productivity, mental health, happiness, your family’s serenity. It’s very expensive: things get broken, misplaced, unnecessarily replaced. It’s not good academically for your kids. Or for your own creativity.
When we moved from a large house in America to a smaller house in Oxford, the clutter and mess seriously affected my happiness, well-being and shalom. About 4 years ago, we started the process of becoming tidy and orderly, with the help of bi-weekly housekeeping help. Haven’t got rid of everything, but do declutter almost weekly, and every month get rid of several boxes of things “neither beautiful not useful” in William Morris’s words.
                                                          *  * *
Is it too fanciful, too superstitious, too medieval, to imagine plagues might accumulate if you are headed in the wrong direction, so that God can get your attention?
So in which areas do I see warning signs? One is being overweight! Being overweight has all sorts of consequences, in energy, in self-image, in self-confidence, productivity etc. It also has physical consequences, which are now manifesting themselves.
If you have been overweight for much of your adult life, losing weight is like a radical conversion experience—a radical change of life. Building in exercise daily, especially with weights perhaps to change one’s metabolism. A radical change in what you eat, and when and why. Finding other strategies to replace comfort eating—such as prayer. It has to become a priority, which is hard. I have lost 6.5 pounds over the last 2 months—and oh my, what work it took!!
                                                             * * *
Whereas “sin” or noxious habits brings “plagues” or, in modern terms, a vicious spiral of negative consequences, there are converse habits, which bring a virtuous circle of good and blessed consequences. One is exercise, which returns the time expended in it through increased productivity and deeper sleep.
Another habit which sets up virtuous circles is waking early. I’d so love to wake “very early in the morning, while it was still dark,” like Jesus, but because I am a night owl, and can think and write creatively until quite late in the night, this has always evaded me.
However, there are so many benefits to waking early—an increased opportunity to get things done; and a better prayer life (one can certainly pray better earlyish in the morning, than the last thing at night). Then, one is certainly less likely to bicker, row and get grumpy first thing in the morning.  And far less likely to waste time idly surfing the internet first thing in the morning.
I remember a talk by Jack Miller of World Harvest Mission which made fun of Samuel Johnson (Dr. Johnson’s) resolutions to wake earlier. “I am resolved to wake at noon tomorrow. Though it be late, it is still earlier than the time I woke  today–which was two o’clock,” he read from Johnson’s journals.

And so it goes, through the decades, as recorded in Johnson’s journals: going to bed at 2, or 3 or 4 a.m. after nights at clubs, smoking and drinking, waking up in the afternoon, excoriating himself, resolutions, failure.

The audience roared with laughter.  I found it tragic. Miller concluded that that this cycle of resolution and failure was because Johnson, a Christian, did not know how to rely on the power of God.
How do we learn to rely on the power of God? Only through failure, which teaches us that we cannot do it by ourselves? So I guess I am turning over these two areas of long failure—weight and waking early to God, asking for his guidance in them, and begging him to show me his power and grace in these areas.
I’ve read that one is never too old to build more muscle mass through weight lifting. One can do this in one’s nineties. Similarly, one can increase one’s metabolism at any stage of life.
And it is never too late to revise one’s life. Our conversion is a once and for seismic event, the acceptance of Jesus as our Lord, but conversion is also a daily, life-long event, turning to him again, and again, relying on his grace and strength to be disciplined in our eating, in our relationships, in our sleeping, in our waking, in our areas of strength and weakness.
Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ within me,
Christ below me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right hand,
Christ on my left hand,
Christ in my sleeping,
Christ in my waking….
Amen.

  

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  2. Truly, what I struggle with as well, except for the rising early. That is one habit formed in my 20's I have kept. Unfortunately, sometimes that is 3 in the morning which makes a long day and dragging about 10 am. The temper and the clutter really drag me down to despair. I guess we need to pray for each other.

  3. Thanks Sherrey, Sandra and Louise, After making dreadful and embarrassing confessions, it feels so good to know that one is not alone:-)

    Blessings,
    Anita

  5. thanks for this, Anita. So true – it's never too late.
    As for anger – I've found it's good to channel that energy into something constructive. Years ago, I used it to motivate me to write letters to our local paper. Not rants – used the discipline to write reasoned argumenst. And it was good discipline as had to make my case in 150wds (200max) or else the sub-editors got at it. Had quite a good 'hit-rate' too.

  6. Anita, a very thought provoking post, and you called me out on the temper and the weight problem! Do you know me from another time and place? Thankfully, I like you have gotten a better handle on my temper with the help of my very patient husband and a totally understanding and loving God. The weight thing? I still struggle at 66, but keep trying. Thanks for getting my wheels turning tonight. 🙂