Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

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Archives for 2010

The Prayer of Relinquishment and Utter Exhaustion

By Anita Mathias

One of the first books I read when I became a Christian, aged 17, was Catherine Marshall’s “Something More,” and I remain very fond of it.

She describes a very powerful form of prayer, ” The Prayer of Relinquishment” she calls it. It’s essentially saying, “Have thine own way. It’s okay if you grant me this desire I want so desperately. And okay if you do not.” A Gethsemane prayer.

Odd thing, in my own life, praying like that has been the precursor to getting the thing I wanted so badly. However, there are no short-cuts to it. You do have to tortuously and painfully get to the stage at which you want God, his blessing, and his wise choice for you in the circumstances more than you want your heart’s desire.

One thing that, of late, gets me to the prayer of relinquishment is occasional exhaustion. Roy and I have reached middle-age throughly unprepared for it. For one, we have not been good about exercise, so are not as physically strong as we should be (though we are now trying to rectify that). For another, we still live as fully and intensely as we did when we were first married, with several interesting balls in the air at any given time. Until exhaustion strikes. As it has now.

And then, how easy it seems to surrender your life once more. ” Have thine own way, Lord. Take it, oh Lord, take this life of mine. It’s really not of the greatest interest to me. Work in it and with it. Create something beautiful with it.”

 

Filed Under: random

"There are no demons in Sweden"

By Anita Mathias

One day, I will be organized. I will take my Bible to church, and my notebook, and my notes will be orderly.

At present, since sermons usually provide memorable moments of amusement and inspiration (often both), I scribble them on the back of news-sheets. And am now typing them up, to leave a tidy house for the friend who will be staying.

And here’s an amusing anecdote. Our preacher, Gordon Hickson, was conducting a series of charismatic meetings, which included, as they usually do, deliverance ministry.

The hosting pastor was offended. “There are no demons in Sweden,” he said.

Which strikes me as very funny. The arrogance of the statement, and the fact that, after you laugh, you can see his point.

Swedish demons, like their hosts,  are probably far more reserved than those in Haiti, or India or Nigeria.

However, goodness and evil are equal opportunity domains, and the shrieks and cries and shaking  apparently surprised the host and the attendees. Even in Sweden.

 

Filed Under: random

Writing Schedules

By Anita Mathias

Lee Gutkind
My triumph climbing the rope led to my understanding and appreciation of a writer’s real secret of success: discipline–an attempt to be creative and productive on a regular basis.  Virtually every writer I have ever known or read about, regardless of genre, lifestyle, or location, writes or “works out,” on a regular schedule.  From Styron to JC Oates to McPhee, writing regimentation is the key to success.
Writers usually work under regimentation: a disciplined, regular schedule, morning, noon or night, day after day, through most of the year.  This is how writers become writers.  They may write an impeccable essay, seemingly with ease.  But they trained hard with disciplined regularity to produce a memorable literary effort.  We often don’t think of writing as a deliberate act of discipline, but that is exactly how the artful essay begins.

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Filed Under: books_blog

Prayer and an Ipod Touch: A Tale

By Anita Mathias

Monday

Major tears and  heartbreak chez Mathias. Irene,11, has lost her Ipod Touch.

My prayer group–Anne, Juliet, Helen, Bea and I– prayed that her she would break her addiction to her Ipod and to computer games. The latter we accomplished by moving her desk around to face the couch where Roy works and password protecting her games account. The latter God accomplished, though it cost us £140. Be strong, mum, and don’t buy her another!!

Tuesday

Irene is totally awed by the power of prayer. She was addicted to her beloved Ipod touch, listening to books, emailing, playing games, sleeping with a story playing, waking to its alarm. It was becoming her life, as she said rhapsodically, and I said mournfully.  I asked my prayer group to pray. And, “oddly” in 6 days, this treasure was lost. She snuggled up to me & asked, “Mum, do you think that if you all hadn’t prayed, I would have lost it?” “No!” I said. “I believe you lost it in answer to our prayer.” She sighed!

Wednesday

Roy is not sorry for her. He said that her Ipod was gaining the power of Tolkein’s ring over her.

Thursday

Irene, this morning, sadly, “You know, mum, God isn’t very logical!” Then she realized that would be suggesting that she has a better mind than God (who is one person definitely and undeniably smarter than my curly-headed brilliant sweetie) said, “Oh!” stopped herself, and was sad, silent and thoughtful!

 

Monday

Final installment. Yay! After several months, Irene has gone back to compulsive reading, and is really enjoying it. Yay, and yay, and, to be more theological, praise God!!

 

Filed Under: random

Learning French with both sides of the brain

By Anita Mathias

I learn (or used to learn) languages rather easily, I flatter(ed) myself.

Early last year, I decided that I was going to become really fluent in French for the fun of it, and for the fun of talking to French speakers when we travel.

And because thinking in another language broadens your world view, and understanding of the nuances of human experience. I think Charlemagne said, “To speak another language is to possess another soul.”

And because I was bored with the business of setting up our business (a publishing company) last year, but too harassed to write.

So I decided to get fluent in a language I knew, but not well. I was so determined to learn it with my right brain. Listen to it a lot on tape, and in classes, read Le Monde, watch the news in French, watch a lot of French films. And voila, I hoped I would be speaking grammatically correct French. It is not going to happen, alas.

Roy and I, married for 20.5 years, have been so used to characterizing ourselves as left-brain (Roy) and rightbrain, (Anita) that we sometimes forget that everyone has two sides of the brain. And I have decided that, to spare my daughter Zoe embarrassment if nothing else, I am going to use both sides of my brain.

And learn grammar, much though I hoped I had left learning my rote behind me, like other childish things.

Je chantais, tu chantait, il chantait, nous chantions, vous chantiez, ils chantaient

J’ai chante, tu as chante, il a chante, nous avons chante, vous avez chante, ils ont chante,

Je chanterai, tu chanteras, il chantera, nous chanterons, vous chanterons, ils chanteront.

You know, I rather enjoyed that!!

Filed Under: random

Anita Mathias, C.V.

By Anita Mathias

Education

M.A. in English, Somerville College, Oxford University, 1990.
M.A. in English and Creative Writing, The Ohio State University, 1989. B.A. (Honors) in English, Somerville College, Oxford University, 1986

Academic Scholarships
Scholarship from the Radhakrishnan Fund of Oxford University to study at Oxford, 1984.
Scholarship from the Eckersley Trust, Oxford, to study English at Oxford, 1984.

Literary Awards

  • National Endowment for the Arts Award, 1998 ($20,000).
  • Individual Artist Fellowship from the Minnesota State Arts Board, 1992 ($6000).
  • Literary Travel Grant, The Jerome Foundation, Minnesota, 1993.
  • Full Fellowship, Residency in Creative Nonfiction, The Vermont Studio Center, a Writers’ Colony, 1997.
  • Fellowship, Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, Sweet Briar, Virginia, a Writers’ Colony, 2002.

Selected Literary Prizes and Honors

  • First Prize, Best General Interest Article, Catholic Press Association of America & Canada, 2000.
  • The Jakobson Scholarship for Writers of Unusual Promise, Wesleyan Writers’ Conference, Connecticut, 1994.
  • Working scholarship in Nonfiction to the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference, Vermont, 1997.
  • Scholarship in Nonfiction to the Chenango Valley Writers’ Conference, New York, 1996.
  • Odyssey Bookstore Scholarship in Nonfiction, Mount Holyoke Writers’ Conference, Massachusetts, 1992.
  • Asian Pacific Inroads Award, The Loft Literary Center, Minnesota, 1992.

Selected Publications

  • “First Thing in the Morning,” The Style Plus Page, The Washington Post, 16th September, 1997.
  • “Nirmal Hriday,” London Magazine, Aug./Sept. 1993.
  • “Memories of a Catholic Childhood,” Commonweal, October 8th, 1999.
  • “That Ancient Yarn,” Virginia Quarterly Review, Winter 2000.
  • “The Holy Ground of Kalighat,” Notre Dame Magazine, Autumn 1998.
  • “Learning to Pray,” The Christian Century, March 22nd, 2000.
  • Also selected by and posted on Religion-Online.org
  • “Candlelight Prayer at Stanford,” America, April 11, 1992.
  • “View from the Margins,” Contemporary Literary Criticism, 2003.
  • “Aliens and Strangers,” Southwest Review, Vol. 87, #2, Nov. 2002.
  • “Kalighat,” New Letters, Vol. 59, No. 2, 1993.
  • “Tryst,” and “At Santa Maria Novella, Florence,” The Journal, Vol. 13, No.2, 1990.
  • “Suttee,” Envoi, No. 98, Winter 1990/91.

Selected Publications
“First Thing in the Morning,” The Style Plus Page, The Washington Post, 16th September, 1997.
“Nirmal Hriday,” London Magazine, Aug./Sept. 1993.
“Memories of a Catholic Childhood,” Commonweal, October 8th, 1999.
“That Ancient Yarn,” Virginia Quarterly Review, Winter 2000.
“The Holy Ground of Kalighat,” Notre Dame Magazine, Autumn 1998.
“Learning to Pray,” The Christian Century, March 22nd, 2000.  (Also selected by and posted on Religion-Online.org)
“Candlelight Prayer at Stanford,” America, April 11, 1992.
“View from the Margins,” Contemporary Literary Criticism, 2003.
“Aliens and Strangers,” Southwest Review, Vol. 87, #2, Nov. 2002.
“Kalighat,” New Letters, Vol. 59, No. 2, 1993.
“Tryst,” and “At Santa Maria Novella, Florence,” The Journal, Vol. 13, No.2, 1990.
“Suttee,” Envoi, No. 98, Winter 1990/91.

Anthologies

  • “Memories of a Catholic Childhood,” Best Spiritual Writing 2000, HarperSanFrancisco.
  • “The Holy Ground of Kalighat,” Best Spiritual Writing, 1999, HarperSanFrancisco.  (Also selected by and posted on ChristianGateway.com, and Faith.com.)
  • “Kalighat,” reprinted in Tanzania on Tuesday, New Rivers Press, MN, 1997.
  • “Zigzags,” reprinted in The Best of Writers at Work 1994, Northwest Publishing, Inc., Utah.
  • “Zigzags,” Speaking in Tongues, a multi-cultural anthology, The Loft Literary Center, Minneapolis, MN 1994.
  • Three contributions to  WomanPrayers: Prayers by Women from throughout History and Around the World, ed. Mary Ford-Grabowsky, (HarperSanFrancisco, 2002).
  • “That Ancient Yarn,” selected as a Notable Essay of 2000, Best American Essays 2001, Houghton Mifflin.
  • “I was a Teenage Atheist,” selected as a Notable Essay of 1999, Best American Essays 2000, Houghton Mifflin.

Teaching of Creative Writing
Adjunct Professor of Creative Writing, The College of William and Mary, Williamsburg, Virginia. 1997.
Taught an eight week course in Creative Nonfiction at the Loft Literary Center, Minneapolis, 1993.
Faculty at the Christopher Newport University Writers’ Conference, Virginia, 2000, 2003.
Faculty at the Heritage Public Library Writers’ Conference, Providence Forge, Virginia, 1999.
Faculty at the Spring Writers’ Conference, Columbus, Ohio, 1989.
Taught writing as a Teaching Assistant, The Ohio State University, 1987-1989
Taught the modern novel as a Teaching Assistant at the State University of New York, Binghamton, NY1989

Miscellaneous
Several book reviews for Commonweal Magazine between 2000-2003.
Several Theater and Film Reviews, Minnesota Daily, 1993.
Listed in the Directory of American Poets and Fiction Writers.
Profiled as “The Star of the Month” by Mangalorean.com, an expatriate website.

Filed Under: random

George Orwell on Writing Clearly. THE BEST ADVICE I KNOW OF.

By Anita Mathias

 George Orwell on Writing Clearly. THE BEST ADVICE I KNOW OF.
From “Politics and the English Language”

What is above all needed is to let the meaning choose the word, and not the other way about.  In prose, the worst thing one can do with words is to surrender to them.When you think of  a concrete object, you think wordlessly, and then, if you want to describe the thing you have been visualizing, you probably hunt about until you find the exact words that seem to fit in.  When you think of something abstract, you are more inclined to use words from the start, and unless you make a conscious effort to prevent it, the existing dialect will come rushing in and do the job for you, at the expense of blurring or even changing your meaning.  Probably it is best to put off using words as long as possible and get one’s meaning as clear as one can through pictures and sensations.  Afterwards one can choose–not simply accept–the phrases that will best cover the meaning, and then switch around and decide what impression one’s words are likely to make on another person.  This last effort of the mind cuts all stale or mixed images, all prefabricated phrases, needless repetitions, and humbug and vagueness generally,

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Filed Under: books_blog, The art of writing

The importance of choosing the right subject

By Anita Mathias

‘Sad things can happen when a writer chooses the wrong subject,’ Wilfrid Sheed once observed. ‘First the writer suffers, then the reader, and finally the publisher, all together in a tiny whirlpool of pain.’ 


Struggling mightily with your work is a possible sign that you have chosen something that you should not have chosen, that what you are writing is not right, should not be there at all, or not at such length

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Filed Under: books_blog

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  • All Those Who Exalt Themselves Will Be Humbled & the Humble Will Be Exalted
  • Christ’s Great Golden Triad to Guide Our Actions and Decisions
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  • Do Not Be Afraid, but Do Be Prudent
  • For Scoundrels, Scallywags, and Rascals—Christ Came
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  • Don’t Walk Away From Jesus, but if You Do, He Still Looks at You and Loves You
  • How to Find the Freedom of Forgiveness
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John Mark Comer

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Olive Kitteridge
Elizabeth Strout

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The Long Loneliness:
The Autobiography of the Legendary Catholic Social Activist
Dorothy Day

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The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry:
How to stay emotionally healthy and spiritually alive in the chaos of the modern world
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My Latest Five Podcast Meditations

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anita.mathias

My memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets https://amzn.to/42xgL9t
Oxford, England. Writer, memoirist, podcaster, blogger, Biblical meditation teacher, mum

Hi Friends, I have taped a meditation; do listen a Hi Friends, I have taped a meditation; do listen at this link: https://anitamathias.com/2025/04/08/the-kingdom-of-god-is-here-already-yet-not-yet-here-2/
It’s on the Kingdom of God, of which Christ so often spoke, which is here already—a mysterious, shimmering internal palace in which, in lightning flashes, we experience peace and joy, and yet, of course, not yet fully here. We sense the rainbowed presence of Christ in the song which pulses through creation. Christ strolls into our rooms with his wisdom and guidance, and things change. Our prayers are answered; we are healed; our hearts are strangely warmed. Sometimes.
And yet, we also experience evil within & all around us. Our own sin which can shatter our peace and the trajectory of our lives. And the sins of the world—its greed, dishonesty and environmental destruction.
But in this broken world, we still experience the glory of creation; “coincidences” which accelerate once we start praying, and shalom which envelops us like sudden sunshine. The portals into this Kingdom include repentance, gratitude, meditative breathing, and absolute surrender.
The Kingdom of God is here already. We can experience its beauty, peace and joy today through the presence of the Holy Spirit. But yet, since, in the Apostle Paul’s words, we do not struggle only “against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the unseen powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil,” its fullness still lingers…
Our daughter Zoe was ordained into the Church of E Our daughter Zoe was ordained into the Church of England in June. I have been on a social media break… but … better late than never. Enjoy!
First picture has my sister, Shalini, who kindly flew in from the US. Our lovely cousins Anthony and Sarah flank Zoe in the next picture.
The Bishop of London, Sarah Mullaly, ordained Zoe. You can see her praying that Zoe will be filled with the Holy Spirit!!
And here’s a meditation I’ve recorded, which you might enjoy. The link is also in my profile
https://anitamathias.com/2024/11/07/all-those-who-exalt-themselves-will-be-humbled-the-humble-will-be-exalted/
I have taped a meditation on Jesus statement in Ma I have taped a meditation on Jesus statement in Matthew 23, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Do listen here. https://anitamathias.com/2024/11/07/all-those-who-exalt-themselves-will-be-humbled-the-humble-will-be-exalted/
Link also in bio.
And so, Jesus states a law of life. Those who broadcast their amazingness will be humbled, since God dislikes—scorns that, as much as people do.  For to trumpet our success, wealth, brilliance, giftedness or popularity is to get distracted from our life’s purpose into worthless activity. Those who love power, who are sure they know best, and who must be the best, will eventually be humbled by God and life. For their focus has shifted from loving God, doing good work, and being a blessing to their family, friends, and the world towards impressing others, being enviable, perhaps famous. These things are houses built on sand, which will crumble when hammered by the waves of old age, infirmity or adversity. 
God resists the proud, Scripture tells us—those who crave the admiration and power which is His alone. So how do we resist pride? We slow down, so that we realise (and repent) when sheer pride sparks our allergies to people, our enmities, our determination to have our own way, or our grandiose ego-driven goals, and ambitions. Once we stop chasing limelight, a great quietness steals over our lives. We no longer need the drug of continual achievement, or to share images of glittering travel, parties, prizes or friends. We just enjoy them quietly. My life is for itself & not for a spectacle, Emerson wrote. And, as Jesus advises, we quit sharp-elbowing ourselves to sit with the shiniest people, but are content to hang out with ordinary people; and then, as Jesus said, we will inevitably, eventually, be summoned higher to the sparkling conversation we craved. 
One day, every knee will bow before the gentle lamb who was slain, now seated on the throne. We will all be silent before him. Let us live gently then, our eyes on Christ, continually asking for his power, his Spirit, and his direction, moving, dancing, in the direction that we sense him move.
Link to new podcast in Bio https://anitamathias.co Link to new podcast in Bio https://anitamathias.com/2024/02/20/how-jesus-dealt-with-hostility-and-enemies/
3 days before his death, Jesus rampages through the commercialised temple, overturning the tables of moneychangers. Who gave you the authority to do these things? his outraged adversaries ask. And Jesus shows us how to answer hostile questions. Slow down. Breathe. Quick arrow prayers!
Your enemies have no power over your life that your Father has not permitted them. Ask your Father for wisdom, remembering: Questions do not need to be answered. Are these questioners worthy of the treasures of your heart? Or would that be feeding pearls to hungry pigs, who might instead devour you?
Questions can contain pitfalls, traps, nooses. Jesus directly answered just three of the 183 questions he was asked, refusing to answer some; answering others with a good question.
But how do we get the inner calm and wisdom to recognise
and sidestep entrapping questions? Long before the day of
testing, practice slow, easy breathing, and tune in to the frequency of the Father. There’s no record of Jesus running, rushing, getting stressed, or lacking peace. He never spoke on his own, he told us, without checking in with the Father. So, no foolish, ill-judged statements. Breathing in the wisdom of the Father beside and within him, he, unintimidated, traps the trappers.
Wisdom begins with training ourselves to slow down and ask
the Father for guidance. Then our calm minds, made perceptive, will help us recognise danger and trick questions, even those coated in flattery, and sidestep them or refuse to answer.
We practice tuning in to heavenly wisdom by practising–asking God questions, and then listening for his answers about the best way to do simple things…organise a home or write. Then, we build upwards, asking for wisdom in more complex things.
Listening for the voice of God before we speak, and asking for a filling of the Spirit, which Jesus calls streams of living water within us, will give us wisdom to know what to say, which, frequently, is nothing at all. It will quieten us with the silence of God, which sings through the world, through sun and stars, sky and flowers.
Especially for @ samheckt Some very imperfect pi Especially for @ samheckt 
Some very imperfect pictures of my labradoodle Merry, and golden retriever Pippi.
And since, I’m on social media, if you are the meditating type, here’s a scriptural meditation on not being afraid, while being prudent. https://anitamathias.com/2024/01/03/do-not-be-afraid-but-do-be-prudent/
A new podcast. Link in bio https://anitamathias.c A new podcast. Link in bio
https://anitamathias.com/2024/01/03/do-not-be-afraid-but-do-be-prudent/
Do Not Be Afraid, but Do Be Prudent
“Do not be afraid,” a dream-angel tells Joseph, to marry Mary, who’s pregnant, though a virgin, for in our magical, God-invaded world, the Spirit has placed God in her. Call the baby Jesus, or The Lord saves, for he will drag people free from the chokehold of their sins.
And Joseph is not afraid. And the angel was right, for a star rose, signalling a new King of the Jews. Astrologers followed it, threatening King Herod, whose chief priests recounted Micah’s 600-year-old prophecy: the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem, as Jesus had just been, while his parents from Nazareth registered for Augustus Caesar’s census of the entire Roman world. 
The Magi worshipped the baby, offering gold. And shepherds came, told by an angel of joy: that the Messiah, a saviour from all that oppresses, had just been born.
Then, suddenly, the dream-angel warned: Flee with the child to Egypt. For Herod plans to kill this baby, forever-King.
Do not be afraid, but still flee? Become a refugee? But lightning-bolt coincidences verified the angel’s first words: The magi with gold for the flight. Shepherds
telling of angels singing of coming inner peace. Joseph flees.
What’s the difference between fear and prudence? Fear is being frozen or panicked by imaginary what-ifs. It tenses our bodies; strains health, sleep and relationships; makes us stingy with ourselves & others; leads to overwork, & time wasted doing pointless things for fear of people’s opinions.
Prudence is wisdom-using our experience & spiritual discernment as we battle the demonic forces of this dark world, in Paul’s phrase.It’s fighting with divinely powerful weapons: truth, righteousness, faith, Scripture & prayer, while surrendering our thoughts to Christ. 
So let’s act prudently, wisely & bravely, silencing fear, while remaining alert to God’s guidance, delivered through inner peace or intuitions of danger and wrongness, our spiritual senses tuned to the Spirit’s “No,” his “Slow,” his “Go,” as cautious as a serpent, protected, while being as gentle as a lamb among wolves.
Link to post with podcast link in Bio or https://a Link to post with podcast link in Bio or https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/22/dont-walk-away-from-jesus-but-if-you-do-he-still-looks-at-you-and-loves-you/
Jesus came from a Kingdom of voluntary gentleness, in which
Christ, the Lion of Judah, stands at the centre of the throne in the guise of a lamb, looking as if it had been slain. No wonder his disciples struggled with his counter-cultural values. Oh, and we too!
The mother of the Apostles James and John, asks Jesus for a favour—that once He became King, her sons got the most important, prestigious seats at court, on his right and left. And the other ten, who would have liked the fame, glory, power,limelight and honour themselves are indignant and threatened.
Oh-oh, Jesus says. Who gets five talents, who gets one,
who gets great wealth and success, who doesn’t–that the
Father controls. Don’t waste your one precious and fleeting
life seeking to lord it over others or boss them around.
But, in his wry kindness, he offers the ambitious twelve
and us something better than the second or third place.
He tells us how to actually be the most important person to
others at work, in our friend group, social circle, or church:Use your talents, gifts, and energy to bless others.
And we instinctively know Jesus is right. The greatest people in our lives are the kind people who invested in us, guided us and whose wise, radiant words are engraved on our hearts.
Wanting to sit with the cleverest, most successful, most famous people is the path of restlessness and discontent. The competition is vast. But seek to see people, to listen intently, to be kind, to empathise, and doors fling wide open for you, you rare thing!
The greatest person is the one who serves, Jesus says. Serves by using the one, two, or five talents God has given us to bless others, by finding a place where our deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet. By writing which is a blessing, hospitality, walking with a sad friend, tidying a house.
And that is the only greatness worth having. That you yourself,your life and your work are a blessing to others. That the love and wisdom God pours into you lives in people’s hearts and minds, a blessing
https://anitamathias.com/.../dont-walk-away-from-j https://anitamathias.com/.../dont-walk-away-from-jesus.../
Sharing this podcast I recorded last week. LINK IN BIO
So Jesus makes a beautiful offer to the earnest, moral young man who came to him, seeking a spiritual life. Remarkably, the young man claims that he has kept all the commandments from his youth, including the command to love one’s neighbour as oneself, a statement Jesus does not challenge.
The challenge Jesus does offers him, however, the man cannot accept—to sell his vast possessions, give the money to the poor, and follow Jesus encumbered.
He leaves, grieving, and Jesus looks at him, loves him, and famously observes that it’s easier for a camel to squeeze through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to live in the world of wonders which is living under Christ’s kingship, guidance and protection. 
He reassures his dismayed disciples, however, that with God even the treasure-burdened can squeeze into God’s kingdom, “for with God, all things are possible.”
Following him would quite literally mean walking into a world of daily wonders, and immensely rich conversation, walking through Israel, Lebanon, Syria, and Jordan, quite impossible to do with suitcases and backpacks laden with treasure. 
For what would we reject God’s specific, internally heard whisper or directive, a micro-call? That is the idol which currently grips and possesses us. 
Not all of us have great riches, nor is money everyone’s greatest temptation—it can be success, fame, universal esteem, you name it…
But, since with God all things are possible, even those who waver in their pursuit of God can still experience him in fits and snatches, find our spirits singing on a walk or during worship in church, or find our hearts strangely warmed by Scripture, and, sometimes, even “see” Christ stand before us. 
For Christ looks at us, Christ loves us, and says, “With God, all things are possible,” even we, the flawed, entering his beautiful Kingdom.
https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/07/how-to-find-th https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/07/how-to-find-the-freedom-of-forgiveness/
How to Find the Freedom of Forgiveness
Letting go on anger and forgiving is both an emotional transaction & a decision of the will. We discover we cannot command our emotions to forgive and relinquish anger. So how do we find the space and clarity of forgiveness in our mind, spirit & emotions?
When tormenting memories surface, our cortisol, adrenaline, blood pressure, and heart rate all rise. It’s good to take a literally quick walk with Jesus, to calm this neurological and physiological storm. And then honestly name these emotions… for feelings buried alive never die.
Then, in a process called “the healing of memories,” mentally visualise the painful scene, seeing Christ himself there, his eyes brimming with compassion. Ask Christ to heal the sting, to draw the poison from these memories of experiences. We are caterpillars in a ring of fire, as Martin Luther wrote--unable to rescue ourselves. We need help from above.
Accept what happened. What happened, happened. Then, as the Apostle Paul advises, give thanks in everything, though not for everything. Give thanks because God can bring good out of the swindle and the injustice. Ask him to bring magic and beauty from the ashes.
If, like the persistent widow Jesus spoke of, you want to pray for justice--that the swindler and the abusers’ characters are revealed, so many are protected, then do so--but first, purify your own life.
And now, just forgive. Say aloud, I forgive you for … You are setting a captive free. Yourself. Come alive. Be free. 
And when memories of deep injuries arise, say: “No. No. Not going there.” Stop repeating the devastating story to yourself or anyone else. Don’t waste your time & emotional energy, nor let yourself be overwhelmed by anger at someone else’s evil actions. Don’t let the past poison today. Refuse to allow reinjury. Deliberately think instead of things noble, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.
So keep trying, in obedience, to forgive, to let go of your anger until you suddenly realise that you have forgiven, and can remember past events without agitation. God be with us!
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