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| Saint Frideswide, Oxford’s First Saint. Burne-Jones window, Christ Church Cathedral |
There’s Nought so Queer as Christians
Old Northern English saying. Well, actually, “There’s nowt so queer as folks.”
I am taking a week-long course on the Christian history of Oxford. We learnt of Oxford’s strong religious underpinnings, and the contributions of the Dominicans, Franciscans, Cistercians, Benedictines, Carmelites and Augustinians to this beautiful city I love, and feel a strong inexplicable connection to.
Interestingly, only about a handful of people taking it were from Oxford or the UK. Most were from across the pond. It’s interesting why people who don’t live here would want to spend a week learning about Oxford’s Christian history. But I guess, “there’s nowt so queer as folk”.
* * *
We were divided into small groups for one session. There are as many species of Christians as there are mammals, 4360, or perhaps insects, 900,000!!
And in Christian conferences without a strong focus (evangelical, charismatic, arts) you’ll meet many of them.
* * *
When I first lived in America—late eighties and nineties, Wall Street traders were known as the Masters of the Universe. Well, moth, rush and exogenous events have dented their self-confidence and arrogance, if not their wealth. Are the Masters of the Universe in America currently doctors?
The two most arrogant, full-of-themselves people I’ve met in the last month have both been American Christian doctors. I guess their wealth is immune to economic downturns—if anything might increase if more people get sick from stress and false economies—and then, their intellectual pride makes them sure they have God in their pocket as well as wealth, and the life or death of their patients. I sat next to one at dinner last month, and was appalled by his full-of himself arrogance.
Well, today’s guy–a dermatologist from Houston, who boasts he can diagnose in two seconds– starts, “I am successful,” he says, (I kid you not!!). “I have two houses, and a boat and a stock portfolio. And now I wonder how I can follow Christ. He told his disciples to take nothing for their journeys. He told the rich man to give up everything to follow him. So that’s my first question.”
But this guy from Houston had a problem.
“My second question is,” he continues, “Why am I going to heaven when all the Hindus and Muslims and Jews I am working with are not, when they are better Christians than I am?”
(Now, I am, well, reasonably well-brought-up, so did not say, “Don’t be too sure on either count.” I just thought it. Well, wrote it!)
* * *
Next, we get to Dallas. An impeccably turned out matron, who looks like, and is possibly wearing jewels worth, a million dollars, tells us of her life—comfortable, right schools, right universities, social success and prominence (Americans, stop one-upping each other, I think) going to a rich church for 49.5 years before she began to ask questions. Now her husband is terminally ill, and she delicately wipes a tear, and I suddenly feel sorry for her,
“I can’t pray for him to live for myself,” she says. “That would be selfish. But I pray he may live for the sake of the community, for the larger good he may do.”
“Excuse me?” I said. Had I understood?
“I can’t pray for him to live for just my sake,” she said. “How can I? But I pray he may live for our community, for everyone, for everyone’s good.”
That’s too much for me.
“Why should it be selfish to pray for yourself alone? You too are a child of God,” I say. “He loves you too.”
“Well, thank you!” she says, as if I am being nice, rather than truthful.” She cannot believe God loves her, I realise.
“God says nothing is too small to pray about. He cares about sparrows and our falling hair. He taught us to pray for our daily bread and trust our clothing dilemmas to him.” I say passionately, if didactically.
Upon which the doctor from Houston again has a problem.
“That’s an empty prayer,” he says, contemptuously. “Praying for bread and clothing!!”
I was too disgusted to speak.
Fortunately, a Swiss pastor explained, “Well, if you’ve always had enough, perhaps it’s an empty prayer. But Jesus did teach us to pray for our daily bread. And if you don’t have bread, then it’s a real prayer.”
* * *
How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver! Proverbs 16:6.
I have been teaching the Bible in small groups for over ten years now. When I first started, in Williamsburg, Virginia, I was startled by the number of people, church-goers, who had got the worldly stuff sorted—the trophy husband with the trophy income, the massive house, the swimming pool, the vacation home, the status symbol car and body—but said they were not happy.
And were confused about basic things. I would be asked, “Anita, do you really have peace?” Answer, “Yes, I do. Mostly.” “Anita, are you really happy.” Answer, “Yes, I am. Mostly.” And they’d sigh and say, “I wish I were happy.”
God–even for church-goers, who hadn’t seriously sought him– was a source of more questions than answers, a confusing dark terra incognita.
But it shouldn’t be so.
We really do need to seek God with the same passion with which we seek success or worldly wealth or whatever our idol is, so that we do not arrive at mid-life empty, unhappy, dissatisfied, with more questions than answers.
We seriously need to prioritise the spiritual above anything else. “Do not labour for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life,” John 6:27.
And, we need to fill ourselves with this food, with these living waters so that they flow effortlessly out of us to those with more questions than answers, with more sadness than happiness.
* * *
Happiness ultimately flows from our spiritual lives. And so—to be happy– we must put them at the centre of our lives, and find durable answers to the big questions.
1 What is a good life? 2 How can I be happy 3 What is the meaning of life? 4 Is there life beyond death 5 Is there a God and does he care about me 6) Will he guide me minutely in my day to day decisions. Can I hear his voice 7) How do I find peace and joy?
And these questions are more important than how to be successful, or how to manage time, or how to lose weight, or how to save, or how to get organized, or how to make friends—but how often we forget this!!
Over to you? Do you think happiness ultimately flows from our spiritual lives? What would you add to my list of Life’s Big Questions?
Read my new memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India (US) or UK.
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My book of essays: Wandering Between Two Worlds (US) or UK
“ambitious Christians in full-time Christian work”–yes, I know of these! Am currently struggling with some that I believe are guilty of ambition, but then again, who am I to speak?! Like you said. Great thoughts here to consider.
Yes, I too have trouble with faithfulness to housework, especially because I don't have what many consider a “real” job :). I must be eating bon-bons all day! And to see my girth, that assumption may not be as frivolous as one might think LOL. Thank you for also accepting my comment in the spirit it was intended. I wish you could see the look on spiritually adept people's face when I say something really theologically crazy – which I do a lot. It's part of my exploration – and how I approach the Scriptures with a slide rule in one hand and a computer in the other.
Hi LA,
As you can imagine, I woke up and entered the conference feeling thoroughly ashamed of myself for this acerbic post. Esp. when someone there who reads my blog whispered, “ANITA! Who was it?” I couldn't bear to do any identification, of course.
I have been running tired, and when I do, I see life in shades of grey, and perhaps should stop blogging until I see “la vie en rose” as the French say.
Thank you for your gentle reminder. Yes, turning to God for solace or wisdom or guidance now comes rather naturally to me, but I struggle with other things such as faithfulness with exercise, faithfulness to a healthy diet, faithfulness with keeping up with my housework which must seem inexplicable to “normal” Christians or non-Christians, and oh, what fun they could have satirising me.
I will probably come back and moderate my post. The peril of blogging is that one works out one's feelings and ideas online–and then presses “publish!” Blessings, A.
Anita, there is an interesting discussion about over zealous Christian ministry re: Francis Chan's theology of “get off your butt and be crazy about missions or you're not a “real” Christian” over at Internetmonk.com. It's actually interesting how the readers are fairly equally divided between “I see nothing wrong with that approach” and “oh my gosh crazy talk!”. I think you'd enjoy the read given your comments above.
One of the things that troubles me sometimes is needing to meet people where they are, not where we expect or want them to be. The folks you describe here are products of their upbringing and circumstance and I think they should be commended for stepping out into your world where it is very scary and intimidating. It is very scary to be around folks for whom the gospel “makes sense” and is already a huge part of their lives. Dr. Houston and Mrs. Dallas sound as if they are a little defensive in the face of meeting people who are living the life their soul craves, whether they are aware of that craving or not.
For me, spirituality comes hard. I'm a geek where numbers and machines hold great fascination for me (including the amazing machine called the human body). Most of my collegues ridicule me for my faith. Being spiritual means I have to let go of my slide rule and hug people!! And I have seen your incredulous look when I struggle to even understand the simplest spiritual thing. And I am intimidated in the presence of people for whom spirituality comes naturally.
I have the same incredulous look when people give me case sensitive email addresses (“seriously? You believe that if I don't capitalize the first letter of your email, it won't work? “) and I am reminded that not everyone is comfortable nor 100% knowledgable about technology. I have to meet them where they are…try not to be intimidating…and gently tell them that email addresses are case insensitive and drop it if they argue.
For many, like the people you describe, the gospel is hard…it is hard to swim against the current of a) who you are and b) how you were raised and c) your peers. Have patience and celebrate that we are at least taking baby steps towards that which you have in abundance. And we might have to stop and merely tread water for a while, but it's awesome to be in the presence of folks who can guide us.
Sorry this got long…but I so identified with your characters, not because I'm rich, but because I find their confusion in myself and encounter reactions like yours often in my spiritual forays and wanted to share an insiders perspective.
Thank you for being a beacon to those of us who struggle…I really do crave what you have and am working to get there. Hold Dr. Houston's proverbial hand this week, he wants it to but just doesn't know he does or how to get there.
I know you don't feel that way. I was thinking on my walk last evening, how we Americans envy the successful, but want it for ourselves as well. Living a Christian life with abundance is not always the best influence. Sometimes, the poor in America,who are the richest poor in the world, are more in love with money than those who have it. I see this getting worse.
Last evening, I also read a chapter from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship on Jesus passage about serving the two masters- God and Mammon,”The Simplicity of the Carefree Life.” The constant challenge of “do possessions own the person or not?”
Oh, I know all Americans are not like that. I think Dr “Houston” not his real name, of course, was suddenly transplanted from the adulation of nurses, staff, receptionists, and respect of neighbourhood and church to an alien environment and wanted us to know he was “someone special.” And don't we all want to be, and be perceived as special.
I think I was just recording a unusual conversation–and then, the blogger's temptation–pressed publish!
Just give me Jesus- one of my favorite hymns. I had been struggling with the American Christian gospel. I hear certain prayer requests or ideas, such as God is waiting to give me something better. I think we need to realize, God is the something better.
I just read a sermon John Wesley wrote on “The Almost Christians” Sometimes, they are more righteous, more rigorous in their service than Christians- but it is not about doing, is it? A relationship with all our hearts, minds, souls and bodies is required for this love. We are to die to self.
Great post and don't think all we Americans are the way these guests present themselves. We do have that American dream in our mindset as well. Searching for the barest Truth is the struggle.
Thanks, dancingcrane.
I am very tired today, which brings out my acerbic and cynical side.
I told myself that perhaps this blog was too bitchy to post, but then decided that it was honest, if bitchy–and pressed publish!!
Yes, I am convinced that happiness comes from our spiritual lives. Even close relationships cannot give us the same happiness!
Hi Tim,
Living in Oxford, I often muse on the differences between intelligence and wisdom. As you say, wisdom depends on what you build your life on–and what remains when old age or adversity shakes your life.
Oh yes, those in Christian ministry can be as ambitious and self-seeking as those in secular ministry. I have been tempted to blog about fiendishly ambitious Christians in full-time Christian work whom I know–but then reflect that I am not unambitious about my blog, and would probably also be ambitious for “success” were I in professional Christian work. So cannot throw the first or last stone!!
Beautiful post! Yes, our happiness comes from the depth of our relationship with God. When we lose possessions, status, earthly success – as we will here on earth or in death – only God will be there to sustain us. Who will we be then? If we defined ourself by earthly things, who is left when those are gone?
Hi Anita, appreciated the message. Also saw this tweet today along the same lines.
Wisdom & foolishness depends on how we spend our lives. The foolish polish their lamps (outward life); the wise acquire oil (inward). Matt25
Another thing I wonder; I feel like church culture often promotes 'Christian service' in a way that it becomes another pursuit of success instead of something flowing naturally from the inner life.