September, 2018 | Dreaming Beneath the Spires

I love travel, and I’ve had many, many magical trips over the years…Costa Rica, New Zealand, Norway, Slovenia, and several trips to Switzerland, Italy, France and Greece were highlights.

But anyone who travels a lot knows that every trip will not be a slice of heaven. Things can go wrong, tempers can go wrong.

So we once left on holiday two days after my husband had surgery on a polyp. We had tickets to fly, but couldn’t because of the recent surgery, so claimed travel insurance, and drove. He was angsty; I was angsty; it was one of the hottest summers on record (as almost every summer in Europe is nowadays), and we overheated, in every way, argued and got historical, masking our fear. (Would he take chemo? I, the risk-taker, did not; would he, the cautious one, be foolish enough to (in my book)? Irene, our daughter, who is studying Medicine at Oxford University, hissed, “Mum, I will be so mad at you, if you tell him not to take chemo,” and I, “But, of course, I will. Chemotherapy is a demonic, extremely toxic poison. It’s irresponsible, quite insane, to take it if there are alternatives.” So, you see, we were in just the right frame of mind for a peaceful holiday!!

However, when we parked, and got out of the motorhome, there were beautiful palaces like Palais des Papes in Avignon, historic walled cities, magnificent Roman ruins like Pont du Gard, cathedrals, beaches, glorious mountains, walks by gorges, a hike up a volcano, and great food. Magic, self-forgetfulness, joy.

So, how do I assess this holiday, I wondered, as I sorted through my photos each evening. If you looked at the hours and minutes, there was much interest and magic, and the losing track of time which defines happiness for me. There were also heated arguments.

It’s like life. Every day has beautiful things, what the poet Rilke calls, “the things that will never leave you:” sunrise, sunset, cirrus, cumulus, and cumulonimbus clouds, the ever-changing panorama of nature, the quiet patience and dignity of animals, people who love you, and the inalienable love of God. Most days have opportunities to read, to pray, to meditate, to sleep, to walk, to awaken your body with exercise, to love, to rest and relax, and rejoice in the love of God. When we live fully in each hour, there is much to make us happy, and many things to be thankful for… even though things have gone wrong, there have been hammer-blows to the heart, the breakers and waves have crashed over us, and there is an Evil Being, the enemy of our souls, who prowls, who can possess people, and bend them to his malign will (literally, metaphorically). Hassle we will not escape, for it is in skilfully dealing with it that we grow strong.

But God gives us good and happy hours in the midst of the worst days, and, so, even during the worst days, we need to seize them with gratitude.

* * *

What went wrong in the motorhome that holiday was not just the Damocles sword of pending test results. (We got a call on holiday, but not the call. All was well. Phew!!) It was that we brought unresolved issues on holiday with us.

I recently read an inspiring biography, “My Life: A Guided Tour” by Ken Taylor, translator of The Living Bible; and a bestselling children’s writer, founder of the major Christian publishing company, Tyndale House; the Christian Booksellers Association; pioneer of short-term missions; Life Application Bibles, and the One Year Bible. Almost everything that man touched turned to gold.

He had ten children, and, when they were young, had inadequate housing and not much money. Unsurprisingly, there were tensions, and his wife was critical of him. He describes leaving the house, seething, and being in turmoil all day, walking for hours until his anger was spent. He believed this anger “was hindering his prayers,” but “steady peace and joy with my wife seemed beyond my ability.”

Taylor finally decided that this must not go on. He wanted to get his prayers answered. The solution, which he felt he could not bear to consider, was “simply to forgive Margaret for criticising me. The situation must end, and since Margaret would not solve the problem by no longer criticising me, I would have to take the lead by trying to learn from her criticism, and meanwhile forgiving her for hurting me.”

“It was one of the hardest actions of my life,” he wrote, “to allow myself to admit the fault she had alleged, and concurrently to say in my heart, ‘I forgive you,’ and mean it. But God helped me.”

“The next time a criticism came—a few days later—I flared up internally as before but rushed out and prayed for help to accept and forgive, then I came back quieted a few minutes later. Not many days went by before I realised that the flare-ups took a shorter and shorter time to deal with, and they could finally be handled immediately. A few weeks later, Margaret remarked, “You are different from the way you were,” and I knew the Lord’s grace had prevailed, the spiritual battle of many years was ended, and Satan, who had conquered for so long, was himself conquered.

And when the turmoil ended, the grass could become fresh and green, and flowers could grow and bloom—and they did.”

This is the best account of forgiveness in practice that I know of.

* * *

More and more, I am trying to keep short accounts, to forgive when things happen, or surface in memory, so that I can live happily, and as free as a bird.

Here’s a striking story from missionary, Simon Guillebaud: In Malaysia, monkeys invaded a farmer’s land and destroyed his crops. The damage jeopardized his very livelihood so he needed to act fast. The ingenious solution he devised was to put peanuts in hollowed-out coconuts. He then hid and waited. The monkeys came, scaled the walls, and smelt the peanuts. When they found them in the coconuts, they grabbed them, but now their clenched fists couldn’t pull them out – they couldn’t fit through the narrow apertures if they remained clenched. Neither could the monkeys now scale the walls again without releasing the peanuts, but they didn’t want to, so they were stuck. The farmer then reappeared and shot them one by one. Their freedom was so easily attainable. All they had to do was let go, but they chose to hold on.

If you are holding on to anything, let go.”

Let it go. Let the peanut go. Most of us who live in this world have been cheated, robbed, lied to, lied about, manipulated, taken advantage of… Evil is a real force in the world, though not as strong a force as good.

Just let it go, let the peanut go. That does not mean you have to invite those who have slandered, cheated, or abused you to lunch, or to be your house guests, or best friends. It may not even be safe to be in relationship with them, for evil is real, and there are People of the Lie.

Forgiveness is partly a matter of mental discipline. When the memory of wrongs surfaces, release the darn peanut. Mentally say, “I forgive you.” Release the peanut to God, the righteous judge, and leave it in God’s hands. “No one gets away with anything,” John Arnott says in Grace and Forgiveness. Ask God to convert the evil done to you to good. (“You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good,” Joseph tells his scheming brothers).

To leave the harm done to us in God’s hands, and then ask God to bring good to us and to our family out of the evil done to us is a potent prayer, which sets us free to dance.

Further Reading

Grace and Forgiveness by John Arnott (Amazon.co.uk) and on Amazon.com

My Life: A Guided Tour by Kenneth Taylor on Amazon.co.uk and on Amazon.com

Choose Life: 365 Readings for Radical Disciples by Simon Guillebaud on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com

The People of the Lie: M. Scott Peck on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com

Image: Creative Commons.

So this summer, my husband locked us out of the motorhome, in which lay all three sets of keys, which he had hidden, in case we lost them.

After some colourful and entirely justified language…I contemplated keys. Scraps of metal, smaller than one’s little finger, yet they can unlock homes worth hundreds of thousands of pounds, palaces, super-yachts, safes–and motor homes!

Jesus promises us the keys of the Kingdom. Earthly kingdoms have great variety–the United Kingdom in which I live has mountains, oceans, lakes, palaces, priceless art, golden universities, and storied cities. So too Jesus’s oft-repeated phrase “the Kingdom of God,” means different things to different people. To me, the Kingdom is within me (Luke 17:21). I know I am “in” the Kingdom when I experience peace, joy, love and the awareness of God’s presence and power. For others, it means justice, healings, miracles, shalom, lightning bolts of spiritual power…

And sometimes, it just takes a key, small shifts, for us to enter this Kingdom. Forgiveness, for instance, repentance, persistent prayer, a humble heart, and, always, gratitude.

* * *

In this workaday life of ours, simple shifts can bring disproportionate changes and benefits. For instance, after the crippling pain of sciatica, I worked with a health coach. Losing weight has never been easy, but she suggested that I completely eliminate all starchy carbs (bread, pasta, noodles, wheat, rice, potatoes, oats, grains), and all sugar and chocolate, and limit caffeine and dairy. And I discovered that, for me, entirely cutting out things that are not a blessing to my body is oddly easier than moderation (Moderation kills: Dr. Esselstyn) and weight is coming off, 18 pounds more recently, and I am 40 pounds down from my highest weight. A simple key, a big shift. (I have more to lose, sadly!!)

Similarly, I have always had romantic, yearning feelings about waking up early, and “awakening the dawn,” but have never been an early riser. My brain lights up around 6 p.m., and I am often alert and clear-headed until midnight—or later. However, I finally followed the gurus’ most common sleep recommendation which is to sleep at the same time and wake at the same time daily, even on weekends, and to keep pushing it back by 1-5 minutes a day until one’s goal time. I am now waking early, and, God willing, will continue waking at even earlier and more magical hours.

I am seeking the keys, the simple secrets of two other changes I want to make …to become a more productive and faster writer, and to write some good words each day (anyone know the secret, please tell me!), and to make time to run an even more organised, decluttered, tidy, super-efficient house. As with the first two keys, there’s probably a simple secret lurking in plain sight. I just haven’t stumbled on it yet

* * *

Luke 5 is an amazing passage. After a hard night of fruitless fishing, Jesus tells Peter, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

Peter says he’s “worked hard all night and hadn’t caught anything.” But because Jesus asked, he would let down the nets. He takes the risk. Risking further exhaustion, and looking foolish, and wasting time on a wild fish chase, he goes into deep water again, because Jesus told him to.

And then, “they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.”

Because of the divine direction.

* * *

I have reached a stage in my life in which it’s almost become second nature to ask Jesus where to cast my nets before I cast them. Almost. When I forget, it leads me into foolish pointless activity, wasted money, wasted time, wasted days, weeks, months… Oh yes!

I, most memorably, experienced being told exactly where to cast my nets, 12 years ago. I had, the previous year, flung myself into starting a business which I’d always thought would be fun. And it was fun, and exciting, and interesting and I learnt SO much on its steep learning curve, but it was also hard, exhausting work, with no potential for leveraging it, or exponential growth, or passive income. The only prospect was more of the same.

When I reached rock bottom (which often is a prerequisite for hearing God speak), I read the words from Psalm 81.

“In your distress you called, and I rescued you,

I removed the burden from your shoulders;

your hands were set free from the basket.”

And I called out to the Lord in my distress, and he lifted the burden from my shoulder, and my hands from the basket, and I was “given” an idea and a business plan, in which a lot of things I had learnt and done in the course of the unsuccessful business, coalesced and which used the knowledge and character and grit and perseverance gained through the business that exhausted me. However, it was far easier, and worked better than I had dreamed of praying for it to, so much so that less than 3 years after I started it, my husband was able to retire in 2010 from his Professorship in mathematics, and run that small business, which now entirely supports our family.

Would this work every time? Would Jesus tell a fisherman exactly where the fish were every time they asked? Would he tell a Christian investor which stocks to pick? Tell a Christian medical researchers how to cure cancer with just plants?

He might. We should always ask.

* * *

However, Jesus’s prime objective for our lives is not easy money, success, or fame. (It’s probably not even health!) Jesus treasures beauty of heart and character, and that is sometimes learned in a hard and bitter school. Grit, perseverance, resilience, patience, endurance, these are sometimes earned and learned when we labour all night and catch nothing, but become physically stronger in the process, and learn not to snap at our fishing mates, or blame them or God for our failure, but instead work past soreness, thereby increasing our strength.

Always ask for the key, always ask where to cast your nets, but be aware that God doesn’t always give us easy answers. He sometimes wants us to use the brains and experience He has given us.

And once we have aced one challenge, God releases us to another, and bigger one. Peter proved he could follow directions, and fish brilliantly when he did the tiring, irrational, pointless thing Jesus advised. He was then released into a nobler call: “I will make you fishes of men.”

The will of God always leads us to a bigger place.