Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

Archives for 2012

Change your Words, Change your Emotions

By

Speed-reading “just this one.”
Jake, the Collie, finds a spot to rest his weary head.
I finally started a massive project —getting rid of all the books from my second-hand books business  which I had for a couple of intensive years, and a couple of desultory years.
Progress, as you can see, was slow.
* * *
But internally, where all that really matters happens, progress has been made.
I’ve worked for 4 days like a Benedictine, balancing ora et labora, work and prayer, thought and creativity.
I’ve always been enamoured by the Benedictine ideal of balance–especially when it’s theoretical. When one actually has to do it: BAH-humbug, the Labora part is highly overrated!! I said to my soul in disgust.
* * *
 Of course, I didn’t really need to do this. But you see, during the years of the business, I came across so many lovely art books, gardening books, Christian books, nature, photography, history, biography, literature, poetry and children’s books, which I would have loved to keep. And so many that I did not want to keep. So I needed to sort them, keepers, givers-away to prevent myself drowning in books.
And I was feeling grumpy sorting through these boxes, givers/keepers because you see what I really want to do is pray, read and contemplate scripture, blog, write, garden, and run. Not sort books.
Then I read this blog by Michael Hyatt which says your mental state and attitude are highly dependent on the language you use. Don’t say “I have to,” Hyatt advises; say, “I get to.”
And so I said to myself, with great truth,
I get to sort through 240 boxes of 50 books each, books I have already sifted and discarded the junk from, and keep whatever I want! How great the love the Father hath given that I get to keep the best of 240 boxes of art, poetry, literature, Christian, nature, history, biography, gardening, children’s books, travel and photography books.
And I immediately felt happier. 
* * *
Whatever dark or desperate situations you face,  there is almost surely a silver lining in them because of the goodness of God. Something positive in them. Search it out. Thank God for it.
And as surely as dawn follows the night, your emotional state will begin to change. It will mirror your honest thanksgiving. You will feel happier.

 

“You can tell the depth of a man’s walk with God by looking at the countenance of his wife’s face,” Bill McCartney, Founder of Promise Keepers

By


You can tell the depth of a man’s walk with God by looking at the countenance of his wife’s face: Bill McCartney, Founder of Promise Keepers.

Bill McCartney was formerly the head football coach at the University of Colorado, and led his team to the national championship in 1990.
He said, “My last year as a coach was in 1994. My team was undefeated and was ranked third in the nation.
And then a visiting preacher said: ‘Do you want to know whether a man has character or not? All you have to do is look at his wife’s countenance, and everything that he’s invested or withheld will be in her face.’”
“I turned and looked at my wife, Lindi,” McCartney said. “I didn’t see splendor. I saw torment. I didn’t see contentment; I saw anguish. And I tried to defend myself, but I couldn’t. That’s really the reason I stepped out of coaching. I realized that before God I was a man without character.”
     * * *
When I attended a Presbyterian(PCA) Church in Williamsburg, Virginia, the men went off to Promise Keepers meetings on Saturdays. I, however, told Roy I would rather he stayed home and invested in the children and housekeeping than went off to a meeting which told him to do just that.
Roy and I were youngish Christians, and accepted a lot of what we heard uncritically. And so, for several years, when we wanted to assess if a man’s walk matched his talk, if private reality was the same as public projected image, if looking good was the same as being good, we looked at his wife’s countenance.
A face in repose, when it is unaware of being looked at, tells the truth. Bitterness, anguish, struggle, meanness, goodwill, prayer, gratitude—these repeated emotions carve expressions on a face as surely as glaciers carve river valleys. The unguarded expressions on a face tells the story of an inner life.
And so we began to notice, laughing at our private joke, many marriages “between the rich and the poor.” Where the man–pastor, apologist, evangelist, pastor, charity head–had the peace, and the wife had the pieces. Where he spoke lyrically, and her unguarded expression suggested she was keeping her act together with difficulty, that if she could do what she really wanted to do, she would place her head on her hands, and weep. Zombie expressions, hunted rabbit eyes, faces with strain carved into them: I saw these expressions on the wives of many men in ministry. Her Story. Meanwhile he spoke of the glories of the Lord.
What’s the old adage? HisStory was him walking on water. Her Story was total submersion, holding him up from beneath.
*  * *
You can tell the depth of a man’s walk with God by looking at the countenance of his wife’s face.
Many truths capable of being summarised in a sentence are, in fact, half-truths.
Women and men are, in fact, responsible for their own spiritual lives. While a loving spouse makes everything easier, as Christians we do get to choose our response.
We get to choose whether we will be thankful in all things, or not. Whether we will grow bitter or kind. Whether we will return good or evil, or not. Whether we will forgive, or not. Whether we will pray for the selfish over-ambitious spouse, or bemoan our lot. Whether we will contemplate Christ, or the unbearable strain of our lot. Whether we ourselves will be truthful and honest or get caught up in the charade of our spouse’s public image, even if it kills us. Whether we will choose pride or humility.
While perhaps our countenance might tell you a lot about our spouse and our marriage, God has given each of us the ability to choose our own holiness, and our own happiness, and the address at which we choose to live. Rooted and grounded in the love of Christ, or swayed by the shifting shadows of our day to day lot.
                                                                  * * *
Ruth Bell Graham, married to the most-travelled Christian leader of the century, maintained her own spiritual life, spiritual disciplines, and close relationship with Christ. Here she isruth bell graham

I read a painful biography called Man of Vision, Woman of Prayer by Marilee Dunker, daughter of Bob Pierce who founded World Vision. His single-minded, driven, globe-trotting ways caused the break-up of his marriage, much anguish to his spouse, and, she says, contributed to a daughter’s suicide.Portraits taken in the living room of Lorraine Pierce's home in Carlsbad, California. Photos taken for World Vision Magazine. North America - USA digital color horizontal

Two wives of similarly driven, ambitious Christian leaders. One becomes a happy and fruitful angel; one lands up separated, lonely and miserable.
Our husband cannot determine our countenances. We choose them–and they are the fruit of numerous small decisions. Be thankful. Or not. Be kind. Or not. Pray. Or not. Forgive. Or not. Love and bless and do good where we can. Or not.
                                                       * * *
 Well, when we were at Ffald-y-Brenin last month, Roy took refuge from the rigours of prayer by making home-made bread, and fancy roasts and stews, while praying. He was a bit of a Brother Lawrence. An old man came up to him, caressed him simultaneously on each cheek, and said, “Oh, what a happy face!”
I smiled. Off the hook.
And here am I. How’s Roy doing?
Irene and I. Notice the secret of Irene’s happiness in her fat little paw!

 

365 Project: Failures are the Stepping Stones to Success, or You can only steer a moving car

By

 

I can’t resist speed-reading even as I sort!!
As I wrote, I had a second-hand books business from May 2006 until July 2007,and then, with decreasing intensity, concurrently with my publishing business for another couple of years.
It gave me the idea for publishing, and lots of hands-on experience with books and selling, and lots of subliminal knowledge of book publishing successes and failures, and so it wasn’t entirely wasted, so though I thought so at the time.
Well, we live in a rambling old property in the country, which includes a writing cottage, our main house and a horse barn, which became a book barn. We’ve decided to convert it to a games room for the girls and their friends, and so I’ve decided to take time to sort through the books, keep the ones I can’t quite bring myself to part with yet, and get rid of the rest.
And here are some pictures of a closed chapter of my life. You were tiring, my first-born business, but you taught me much!
Farewell!

Ten Blessings from One of the Hardest and Most Difficult Periods of my Life

By

A corner of my study. As you can see, I have kept too many books!!

I have enjoyed Ann Voskamp’s  One Thousand Gifts which examines how giving thanks in everything changes one’s perspective and mental state.

 Many events in our past which we view as tragedies or failures are, in fact, just seeds. They may look inert, unpromising and dead, but can still blossom into goodness.
I was thinking today about a stretch in my life which I viewed as wasted. In 2006, I both bought my dream house and put my daughters in an excellent private school, Oxford High School, neither of which I could afford. At all!
And so, without any business experience, I started a business to pay for this. Ouch!
I had always thought that if I ever needed money, I could sell second-hand books. And so, since no better idea presented itself, I did.
I believe that one should wait to hear from God before doing things. However, if we have not heard, and there are pressing needs, like money, then we need to make the best choice we can, considering our energy, interests, and resources.
* * *
I sold second-hand books on Amazon mainly, but also on ABE, eBay, etc. from May 2006, intensively until we started our publishing company in July 2007–and then with tapering intensity until our publishing company went into profit in late October 2008. There was some desultory listing and selling until April 2010 when I began blogging, and realised I was wasting my time on my used book business.
Wasting my time. Gosh, how resonant and dread-ful that phrase is for me.
* * *
I remember walking down St. Giles past Balliol and St. Johns as an undergraduate late one evening in Oxford (not a Christian then) and thinking, “The world is full of beautiful books to read, and things to learn. I will read and think and write all my life. I will only work if I need money, never from greed for money.”
I’ve pretty much kept that resolution. I’ve worked for brief periods teaching English and Creative Writing, but mostly have read, and dreamed, and thought… I married Roy, a professor, while in graduate school, and we happily lived on his salary…
Except for that four period when I sacrificed myself because my children needed an education, a period I usually view as wasted.
  * * *
We decided to clean out our garage and barn today of all the books. And believe it or not, there were 240 boxes of books.
As I sorted through them, I found lots of lovely books which I am keeping, lots to give to my friends, and my friends’ children.
And I realised that there was much to be thankful for in this experience which I then found so hard, so overwhelming, so exhausting, so sad-making and depressing, which made me lament because of  its sheer waste.
* * *
The slant blessings of this period:
 
1 After 14 exhausting months of second-hand book-selling, I founded a publishing company. God blessed it. After working part-time in our company for three years, Roy took early retirement from academia aged 47, and now works full time in our family business. We’ve hired help with the company beginning in autumn 2009, have 12 on our payroll now, and so I no longer need to work in business. Phew!!
However, without the hands-on experience with books, I may would not have thought of a publishing company. I might not known enough about business, marketing, customer service, or books (as a product rather than an experience) to make a success of it. The best way to run a business is to be familiar with every aspect of it, all its nuts and bolts.
We gained a subliminal sense of successful book covers through sorting through thousands of books, and also a subliminal sense of the physical tactile sensory aspects of books—paper thickness, paper colour, fonts, typeface, blank space. All this was useful in our self-taught publishing company
1 B) I gained a solid understanding of business from the process of starting a business with an outlay of £250 and converting it to one with a healthy turnover, and several part-time and full-time workers.
2) Zoe helped us with the sorting, stacking, packing when she was 11, 12, 13 until her 14th birthday, and so learned a lot of practical things, and developed character, concentration on boring tasks, perseverance in them and a work ethic.  This will be very useful in life in which character, more than education or intellect ultimately determines success. Also, the money she earned is proving useful at University.
3) I myself learned concentration, perseverance and stick-to-itiveness from the long hours of listing and repricing.
4) I learned a lot about books and authors I had never heard of from turning over thousands of books.
 4b) I developed new interests and areas of knowledge from the books I skim-read or kept for myself while sorting and listing.
 4c) I kept the best of the books which washed up in our house, and now have a super amazing library of art, poetry, gardening, children’s and Christian books
5) Having a book-selling business and dealing with customers were good for my character and knowledge of human nature.
I developed the ability to gauge character from emails—who was lying (about a not-received book; who was a hard-to-please misery, better not to mess with; who needed help from his psychiatrist, not me). I learnt to act with my head, not emotions, to consider the outcome I wanted to see before reacting with gut and emotions to a heated email. (Well, to some extent 🙂
6) At first, I had lots of fun buying books from charity stores and Hay-on-Wye and bulk eBay lots.
After the first few months, I tried the experiment of putting both girls through private school (about £2600 a month) without putting any money into the business. I picked up free lots of books on Freecycle, and from a local high production-value printer (overstocks and samples for a range of publishers) and unsold books from house-clearers, some which turned out to be very valuable. Living in Oxford, I soon acquired more books than I had time to list. So after the first four months, running the business cost me nothing, and was almost sheer profit. This fascinating experience in micro-finance has taught me to think outside the box, and has given me the experience to advise friends who interested in setting up their own businesses.
6 b) God provided. It was actually fun. Such as the time I offered a houseclearer in Oxford £40 for a large room stacked with books, about 5000 of them, and he accepted. He cleared houses after people died, many of them academics; he cared nothing for books.
Many of these were very valuable, indeed antiques; I have kept many of them.
We once got first picks of a dead poet’s house on Freecycle—thousands of valuable poetry and literature books for free, some of them 18th and 19th century first editions. (Guess who’s saved many of them?).
 The girls enjoyed the excitement of those emails promising us a car-load of free books.
7) My girls saw an example of positive and creative thinking, free enterprise and hard work. Perhaps, they will run creative businesses, on the side or full-time. Owning a small business, and knowing how to run one is a useful skill in a very expensive country like the UK.
8) My confidence greatly grew as I saw through an idea from fuzzy dream to successful reality, with, first, the second-hand books, and then the publishing.
I learned to “see” the whole process from dream to reality in my head. So much so that if I cannot “see” something, and how it will work, I will no longer embark on it.
I have gained confidence in practical thinking, in sensing whether an idea had the practical undergirdings which would make it work, or whether it wouldn’t work for now, because there were too many fuzzy nuts and bolts.
I now have more patience with the process of seeing something through from an idea to a successful project—for instance, with my still-growing blog.
9) I am far more sympathetic to other people’s financial struggles, and far more able to offer practical advice which might help them.
10) When the business became overwhelming, and my predominant prayer was, “Let my life be less hard,” I began to pray, seriously, desperately, and God gave me the idea for the publishing business. My difficulties taught me to pray. They increased my faith in prayer.
Though I don’t believe in steering a car unless you know where you going, sometimes desperation forces you to steer towards the best bet. I was encouraged by how God used the experience I gained through mistakes and errors!
So there you are, ten blessings at least from a very hard period of my life, which I then viewed as “wasted.”

365 Project : 68 Semi-precious Stones in Gorgeous Pietre Dure

By

I am taking part in the 365 Project this year, and trying to post a picture a day. 
Here’s one of my favourite possessions, a beautiful chest made of inlaid semi-precious stones we bought one hot summer’s day in Florence, in a beautiful workshop in Ghirlandaio’s studio.
It’s edged in black Belgian marble and inlaid with sixty semiprecious stones in the Medici tradition of pietre dure, their names like a magical chant out of Revelation–malachite, rhodocrosyte, chalcedony, lapis lazuli, jasper, jade, onyx, moonstone, tiger eye, falcon eye.

Roy and I love it!