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My Saintly Great-aunt, Rosie Coelho, and her Rebel Daughter Marie (From my memoir-in-progress Up to the Hills)

By Anita Mathias


The witch that came (the withered hag)
To wash the steps with pail and rag,
Was once the beauty Abishag,

The picture pride of Hollywood.

No memory of having starred
Atones for later disregard,
Or keeps the end from being hard.
                                                          Robert Frost
 “I’ll never retire in Mangalore,” my father declared.  “A sneeze at one end of the town is analyzed at the other.” 
We visited my mother’s aunt, Rosie Coelho (who seemed too good to be true–though she was truly good), who smiled broadly with genuine sweetness, a woman in whom it was impossible to imagine guile or malice; benevolent, generous, gift-exchanging, to our embarrassment, the little box of sweets we gave her with a big basket of mangoes from her garden.  And Mangalore is bright, benign Hobbiton.  
But many a time, in the age of innocence, I naively walked into the sticky, tricky parlor of a Black Widow, who into her eighties and beyond, smiles and smiles and giggles girlishly, exuding sympathy and charm, offers little tidbits of gossip with a flattering assumption of shared wisdom and virtue, sucking all of interest about you, about everyone you know, to then villainously disseminate relationship-wrecking rumors; who combats the loss of status, interestingness and power which age and widowhood bring by weaving a web of whispers and malignant lies, whom people placate lest they become her next meal–futile–for it is the nature of black widows to bite, except, sometimes, some of their children.  Bitter?  Bitten.  For when I hear my blithe words bloodied, mangled, regurgitated almost unrecognizably from another black widow in her treacly web, I feel that I am in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie, and small towns are no Shire, but the old sow that eats its farrow.
Rosie’s daughter, Martha, her grin wide, ingenuous, emerged in a housecoat, the Mangalorean woman’s unbecoming at-home garb.  She, toothless and wrinkled, didn’t look much younger than her mother; like a baby or a saint, she was, without artifice, entirely herself.  Ecstatic, electrifying gossip about Martha abounded; in fact, she told it herself.  
“Ah Baa(Konkani for dearie).  I can tell how shocked you are at how I look.  I will not lie to you, Baa.  It’s because of my diet.  I have beer for breakfast everyday, and Mummy sends for a little” (signing a square bracket) “whiskey for lunch and rum for dinner. But no more than that.”
“But if I don’t have that, I feel sick.”  Martha’s sweet-faced Mummy stood by, like a statue of acceptant love, smiling a somewhat absent smile, as if she hadn’t really heard what was being said, wasn’t entirely there. 
My father and I listened, amazed; Marie was (improbably) the first cousin of my mother, whose most frequent expression, like that of her family’s, was WWPT, “What will people think?”
Virginia Woolf, imagining the ignominy and madness that would have befallen Shakespeare’s sister had she written, postulated, “Whenever we see a witch or a mad woman or a suicide, we see a thwarted poet.”  Marie muttered in her sleep in rhythm and rhyme.  She got into a lawsuit with the Bishop who’d asked her to leave the house she rented from him; sheltering behind tenant-protection laws, she refused. 
She wrote doggerel to his minion: “Father Digby is a knave and goon; Father Digby has sealed his doom.”  “I wanted to write an anonymous letter, baa, but then–I signed it.”  Hired ruffians appeared, the usual way recalcitrant renters are evicted.  “Baa, the walls were splattered with my blood.  I lost all my front teeth.”   
The witch that came (the withered hag)/ Was once the beauty Abhishag…  Her cousins told us Marie’s story with controlled rage.  She was, ominously, the best-natured of the cousins, honest, childlike, full of joie de vivre. 
Smart, cheeky and charming as a young woman, Marie had been the favorite of her father, my grandfather’s brother, Dr. Louie Coelho, Professor of Dermatology, revered, decorated, and famous for treating lepers for free.  (He had left instructions for the most spartan of funerals to avoid that guilty one-upmanship with baked meats that can plunge a grieving family into penury and debt—thus giving people “permission” to go and do likewise: “If Dr. Coelho’s family could…”). 
When she was young, married, well-connected, and Cabinet Ministers, even the Chief Minister of Karnataka, came to her parties, nuns and priests crowded her.  “Come with us to the Chief Minister, Marie,” they said.  “Come to the Housing Minister.  We have a request.”  She went. 
As an honored guest, she was served alcohol—which (in common with many Mangaloreans) happened to be her Achille’s-heel.  She drank–to be dropped as her beauty vanished and her marriage, her money and connections, everything but her mother.  No memory of having starred/ Can atone for later disregard/ Or keep the end from being hard.
Goals
Start Date—August 27th, 2012
Completion Date—August 31st, 2013
Word Count Goal-120,000
Words per day Goal—515 words a day
Progress (Aiming to write 6 days a week, excluding Sundays)
  
 Day 36—18367 (173 short)
  


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Anita Mathias: About Me

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My Books

Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

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Francesco, Artist of Florence: The Man Who Gave Too Much

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The Story of Dirk Willems

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Premier Digital Awards 2015 - Finalist - Blogger of the year
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Recent Posts

  •  On Not Wasting a Desert Experience
  • A Mind of Life and Peace in the Middle of a Global Pandemic
  • On Yoga and Following Jesus
  • Silver and Gold Linings in the Storm Clouds of Coronavirus
  • Trust: A Message of Christmas
  • Life- Changing Journaling: A Gratitude Journal, and Habit-Tracker, with Food and Exercise Logs, Time Sheets, a Bullet Journal, Goal Sheets and a Planner
  • On Loving That Which Love You Back
  • “An Autobiography in Five Chapters” and Avoiding Habitual Holes  
  • Shining Faith in Action: Dirk Willems on the Ice
  • The Story of Dirk Willems: The Man who Died to Save His Enemy

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Childhood, Youth, Dependency: The Copenhagen Trilogy
Tove Ditlevsen

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Amazing Faith: The Authorized Biography of Bill Bright
Michael Richardson

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On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
Stephen King

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Acedia & me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life
Kathleen Norris

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Andrew Marr


A History of the World
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Opened Ground: Poems, 1966-96
Seamus Heaney


Opened Ground: Poems, 1966-96 
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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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