I have been loving the Listening Partnership idea of Hand in Hand Parenting. Anything that would not be wise to bring up with the individual (when I'm irrationally angry with Amy or Mark, for example), I can offload to my listening partner, who is committed to confidentiality, to not judging, etc, but to simply and warmly support me with listening.

If it's trivial, I blow it off, and as she says, an hour later, am not angry about it.

Yes, dealing with anger is a lifelong process. I agree that it is a red light that something is wrong, either with us or with the relationship and should be looked at and addressed.

I need to remember the physical release bit!!

I think more work needs to be done. I think bottling up anger is harmful to everyone. I think releasing it physically is useful for most people — it doesn't have to be careless. And that if one can work through the anger — not work around it, but work THROUGH it — without a physical release, then fine.