The Ten Habits of the Happy Christian

March 16, 2013
Irene Mathias, aged 4

1 Seek Happiness

George Mueller considered happiness the normal state of the Christian.

“I saw more clearly than ever, that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day, to have my soul happy in the Lord.  The first thing to be concerned about was not, how much I might serve the Lord, but how I might get my soul into a happy state, and how my inner man might be nourished.

Martin Luther too took happiness very seriously. Note the urgency with which he deals with unhappiness. “First, when I feel that I have become cool and joyless in prayer because of other tasks or thoughts (for the flesh and the devil always impede and obstruct prayer), I take my little psalter, hurry to my room,  and, as time permits, I say quietly to myself and word-for-word the Ten Commandments, the Creed, and, if I have time, some words of Christ or of Paul, or some psalms, just as a child might do.

2 The Kingdom of God is within you.

Happiness mostly depends on one’s thoughts and attitude, on zapping negativity.

Chuck Swindoll memorably writes:

The longer I live, the more I realize the important of one’s attitude. Attitude, to me, is more important than the past, education, money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.

And we need to feed the white dog, not the black dog.

3 The Practice of Gratitude contributes greatly to happiness, as does the habit of praising the Lord, anyway.

For continued joy, we all need ways to process our past, and give thanks for both the episodes we have seen God redeem, and those we have not yet watched him redeem.

4 Cultivate Cheerfulness

While we all have a set point for happiness determined by genetics and our experiences in utero and in early childhood, anyone can cultivate the habit of cheerfulness. The cheerful heart has a continual feast (Prov 15:15).

Cheerfulness is a decision which becomes a habit, and then a temperament.

I have discovered that going through one’s day giving thanks for the ever-changing tapestry of the skies, and the day’s little goodnesses makes a perfectly ordinary day magical.

5 Temple Maintenance

We are spiritual beings having a physical experience. Exercising, a healthy diet (minus too much sugar, which is toxic and white carbs, which are unnecessary), enough sleep, and tidy, pretty surroundings enhances happiness. I am working on all of these!

6 Acceptance and Serenity

Holiness is “giving what God takes, and taking what he gives with a big smile,” Mother Teresa said. Yeah, happiness too!

The famous Serenity Prayer attributed to Reinhold Neibuhr captures this best

 God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

7 Prayer and Scripture as anchors for one’s life

For me, joy leaks within hours if I have not prayed. Friendship with Christ, a secret friend always with you, is probably the biggest bringer of contentment.

Besides, God promises us a mysterious, unspecified but tempting and tantalizing reward for spending time with him.

With practice, prayer soon becomes a sweet, silent melody flowing through one’s day, a secret stream beneath its surface.

8 Deal with the Joy-Blockers

Unforgiveness is probably the biggest one, consigning us to continued torment.

We need our own strategies for dealing with inevitable failure, guilt and shame—rapid, thorough repentance and seeking God’s forgiveness (and basking in his love) to help us escape continued patterns and vicious circles of sin.

9 Learn to Convert Worry to Prayer

Worry and anxiety is another joy-devourer. I have been trying to develop the habit of instantly praying about my worries—trying to instinctively convert them to prayer, as a sunflower naturally turns towards the sun and butterflies.

I am learning to rapidly chuck my anxieties and uncertainties into his arms. To let my worries become his worries, as in this lovely little Max Lucado story.

10 Relationships

Friendship causes “perhaps half of all the happiness in the world,” says C. S. Lewis in his brilliant essay, The Inner Ring.  Lewis was a bachelor for most of his life, or he would have certainly added a happy marriage and happy parenthood to life’s joys.

What would you add?

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  • Don

    This is wonderful! Anita, your writings have been so timely and helpful!

    At first I thought there was nothing I could add to this beautiful post, but after meditating a bit, some things occurred to me:

    1. It is usually difficult to feel happy when you’re in a season (or even a moment) of grief. Sadness is normal in such times.

    2. Otherwise, I agree that if joy is absent, then this is a symptom that something is wrong, and the reason should be uncovered.

    3. There are a lot of blocks to joy, I have found. You named a big one, unforgiveness. But there are more. Over many years of helping myself and others, I’ve learned that the first thing to do is to ask Jesus what the problem is. “Jesus, why can’t I receive joy?” He might indeed tell you, “You haven’t yet forgiven so-and-so for such-and-such.” But he might tell you something else, like “When you were young, you decided deep in your heart that you were not eligible for happiness.”

    4. Another block is the belief that I need to manage everything. Once I heard Francis MacNutt say that many people need to resign from the job of “Manager of the Universe.” This deep belief can lead to over-solemnity and hypervigilance. Often people who experienced abuse or neglect during childhood can continue to suffer from this.

    5.People who are taught to be “religious” can have a deep belief system saying that they need to be serious and solemn. Also, people (myself included) deep down tend to have a very unhealthy understanding of holiness and repentance, which are actually not heavy things at all (although for a short time it can be good to have sorrow, if indeed this is from the Holy Spirit). If I accept the “easy yoke” of Jesus, I feel light and joyful. Surrendering my unhealthy attitudes and beliefs to God and receiving his truth is actually a quick path to joy.

    6. A habit of comparing oneself with other people who seem more fortunate. Comparison is deadly! This can be connected with ingratitude, of course.

    7. A HUGE one is self-hatred. This is not humility, but rather a sin that hinders you from accepting good things from God, and it must be repented of. If you hate yourself, you are in disagreement with God, who loves you beyond measure. (Often connected with #3 above, the belief that I am ineligible for happiness.)

    • http://anitamathias.com/ Anita Mathias

      Wow, this is an amazing, rich comment. Have you considered blogging, Don?

      #1 Absolutely. I think the grief needs to be felt and worked through, or it will come up to haunt us later in other forms. “Jesus wept.”

      # 2 Wondering if sin in some form is a root cause of lack of joy. But sometimes, it’s low serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine and one needs pharmaceutical help.

      #3 That’s a great idea. Slowing down and asking Jesus. If I had to add another point, I would add slowing down.

      ” If I’m suddenly aware that I’ve lost joy, I can simply ask God to show me the reason. Or I can simply come back into his presence for refreshment.”

      Lovely. Yes!

      • Don

        Thanks, Anita. I’ve never considered blogging, and anyway my energies are already taken up by other things atm. I’d only do it if the Lord told me to, which of course is never out of the question. I do believe that when the right time comes I will do some teaching again.

        With regard to anti-depressants, I did try them in the past. Maybe they helped for a time, but I’m not sure they were the best option. These medicines are probably beneficial for some people. But they also have serious side-effects and often may do more harm than good. In many cases, people would be helped much more by talking with friends, counselors and with Jesus. There are usually spiritual and emotional problems that would not be resolved by drugs alone. Unfortunately, there are not enough people who are well trained to help in this regard.

  • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

    Oh, you are speaking my language, Anita! Gratitude is especially underrated and overlooked, I think, as a key foundation to happiness.

    When I am overly irritated at the trivial and those things over which I have no control—such as yet another snow storm which I will have to clear by shoveling—I work at finding reasons to be grateful. Even if the gratitude starts as a begrudging admission, I have cut the cord to the bitterness and made more room for joy.

    These are wonderful quotes and a delightful list of ways to find more happiness right where we are. Thanks!

    • http://anitamathias.com/ Anita Mathias

      Yes, exactly! How well you put it, Kim!

  • http://twitter.com/DomesticFringe Tricia Gillespie

    What a wonderful post. It covers SO many areas!! I’m glad I got to read it. Thank you so much for linking to Saturday Night Stars! We’re doing this every Saturday, so hope to see you back.
    ~FringeGirl

    • http://anitamathias.com/ Anita Mathias

      Thanks, Trica, and for the reminder to link up to your blog. What a lovely idea!

  • Joy Lenton

    Oh, this is so good, Anita! I feel I want to keep it to meditate and reflect on the deep truths unearthed here. Any chance of turning this reflection into a book? Happiness, contentment and joy can have various shades of meaning. I love the way you have unwrapped so many words of wisdom and threaded them together so beautifully. The thought on prayer are especially lovely. Think I’ll just have to return and read them again! Simply lovely! Thank you :)

    • http://anitamathias.com/ Anita Mathias

      Oh thank you, sweet Joy for your encouraging words. Hadn’t thought of it as a potential little book, but yes, that definitely is a good idea, so thank you so much for it!